Your Heart Still in It?
by 26Rye J
Summary: Buffy fled Sunnydale almost three years ago. Now a single mom, she has to face her past and some hard choices. (Third part in the I Have Loved You Wrong Series).
1. Chapter 1: Up, Up, Up and Down

**This story is the third part after ****_How Much You Really Want_**** in the **_**I Have Loved You Wrong **__**series**__**.**_** It's all one big story that I've broken up in manageable writing chunks. **

**Chapter 1 of ****_Your Heart Still in It?_**** was posted as a preview at the end of **_**IHLYW**_**, so another chapter will be on its way. Though, I gotta say the farther we go in the series the less content I have stored away. **

**If any of ya'll feel good about your editing abilities, I'd love to chat about collaborating. Shoot me a message and we can see about getting these chapters out in a timely fashion.**

**Chapter 1: Up, Up, Up, and Down**

Before digging into his books, Liam planned to feed. Reaching inside the refrigerator, he stopped his hand midair. On the front of the closest blood packet lay a sticky note.

_Check microwave._

Recognizing Anne's writing , he obediently approached the microwave. He figured she'd heated up his blood anticipating his midnight meal time. But instead of a mug of blood, he found something else . . . something he wasn't prepared for.

Inside the microwave sat a bowl of soup with a spoon inside. It was such a normal human thing, and it was for him. He knew as much from the scent of blood wafting towards him.

Not since his parents' home had he enjoyed such a meal. The sight left too stunned to reach out and touch his gift.

Something in his peripheral vision caught his attention.

Anne laid a glass of water and napkin on the table - the perfect human touch.

Tying not to let on how affected he was, he commented on her next activity. "He's a little young for bottle feeding, isn't he?"

Looking up from her seat, nodded, "Four months is early, but he has to depend on someone, and this way, if it's not me, it won't be such a shock."

If he was naive, he'd promise nothing would happen to her, but given the dangers she regularly chose to face, she could die at any time . . . they were too old to pretend otherwise.

He chose to focus on the present. "Thank you for this." He sat down with his gift.

"Thanks to Vinny, time I used to spend sleeping, I now spend on the oddest of things."

"Like pigs blood soup."

"It's the least I could do for you letting me crash here."

"Ha! I drove you here from the hospital then locked you out of your apartment."

She pursed her lips playfully. "Indeed."

Trying some soup, he added, "One of Cordelia's least crazy ideas."

She moved Vincent to her shoulder to burp him. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

"Run yourself into the ground taking care of teens, demons, and drooly Vincent." He handed her a napkin to wipe up said drool. "And it's not like I don't have enough room."

That was a true statement. After Wolfram and Hart blew up his last office, Liam rediscovered an old hotel from his past. It was beautiful and roomy enough to guarantee Vincent woke only her at night.

She looked out towards the lobby. "How long do you think it will take to restore it all?"

"At the pace we're going? a lifetime or two."

She rocked her gurgling baby with a smile. "How's the soup?"

"Weird." He quickly elaborated, "Not in a bad way. It's just surreal to eat something from a spoon and enjoy it."

"Good because I was thinking. I mean I found. . ." She looked away nervously.

"What is it?"

"I want to make black pudding- I mean, if you're up for it."

"Could I help?"

"Of course." Her eyes widened with surprise. "I didn't think you'd - but, of course."

"It's just that I remember making it or at least, watching our family cook make it."

The information made her smile. "So you'll keep us on the right track."

"Yeah." He looked down shyly then tried changing the subject. "What time are you picking Faith up?"

"Her bus should get in around five which means my early evening nap is not going to happen."

He took his bowl to the sink and soaked it. "So you should sleep extra now."

Chuckling, she readjusted Vinny's blanket. "You are hilarious."

"Hand him over." He approached her with arms out.

"I'm good."

He kept coming. "He's been fed and burped. Now he's gonna fuss a little, cry a little, and sleep a bit." He bent down and waited expectantly. "You don't need to be up for that."

She slowly delivered up the bundle. "And when are you gonna sleep?"

"Undead remember?" He looked into Vin's eyes and smiled. " I don't need daily shut eye." He readjusted the blanket just like she had. "Now go. Off with you."

She stood and caressed her baby's head then she looked up at Liam. In a different world, him holding her baby could mean something different, something perfect. Going off to bed, she supposed what they had was perfect enough . . . for now.

* * *

><p>Lilly shucked corn while Anne chopped peppers. "Do you ever wonder if they had a thing?"<p>

Anne frowned, "Who."

"Faith and Liam."

"No. I mean, yes I wonder, but I don't think anything happened between them."

Lilly handed her the now naked corn. "He wouldn't he'd let it?"

"If they'd dated, she would have let it slip by now."Anne put the corn in the to-be-chopped pile and put the peppers in a bowl. "Besides, he'd be weird around her if they'd done stuff and he seems entirely comfortable."

"Sometimes casual avoids weird."

"I-I guess."

Lilly handed the now full trash to a kid passing through the kitchen. Quickly, she focused back on the conversation at hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let curiosity take control of my mouth. "

She started cutting corn off a cob. "If they tell me they want to try a celibate thing, I should be happy for them. Of course, I'd prefer if he chose someone who wasn't a slayer."

"Feels like a replacement?"

Buffy shrugged. "I don't want to have been just his type of girl. Darla was tiny and blonde, but that didn't bother me because hello? chosen one - emphasis on the singular."

"Until Faith."

"Everybody is entitled to preference, and after meeting Lindsey, Liam certainly thinks he knows mine."

"Which is . . . ."

"Brunette bad boy."

Lilly started laughing. "I'm sorry. I know you said he worked for evil incarnate, but I still can't picture Lindsey as a bad boy. Anne, he had an N Sync lunch box."

"Anyways." Smiling, she bumped Lilly with her side. "If Faith and him decide to couple, I should support it."

Lilly shook her head. "I can't imagine her skipping sex for love."

"Another fact I find comforting."

"Sex without love, though . . . "

Buffy started tossing the vegetable together aggressively. "I could be okay with that, someday, when I'm older and wiser and under magical influences."

Lilly just rolled her eyes and sprinkled in some chopped garlic.

* * *

><p>Hearing a knock on her office door, Anne looked up. "Wesley, you didn't have to come to the shelter. I just called to make sure you'd still be at the office tonight." With baby in one arm and papers in another she waved and offered him a chair.<p>

"Yes, well I was in the area, and your message said you wanted my help with something."

"Yes." She gestured at their surroundings. "_Sanctuary _needs someone respectable to represent it."

"What about Lilly or yourself?"

"High school drop outs who barely got GEDs. Add that to the fact our legal identities are associated with less than legal behavior."

Leaning closer, he lowered his voice. "But you were never arrested for anything."

She lowered her voice too. "I've been a murder suspect twice and was considered a run away until I turned 18."

He leaned back. "I see your point."

"In the beginning, we didn't ask for money, so no one cared who we were. we worked odd jobs and put every pay check into supporting this place." She began softly bouncing Vince. "Lindsey changed all that. He drafted proposals and put his name on them so between government funding and private donors, _Sanctuary _was covered."

"That he changed things so quickly is quite impressive."

"He was -is an impressive guy." Pulling herself out of memories, she put the papers on the desk so she could hold Vince with both hands. "But now it's time to renew things and meet people, and Lil and I aren't who they are expecting."

Wesley leaned forward again. "What are you asking exactly?"

"Will you, Wesley Windom Pryce, become a partner in _Sanctuary_ and be your educated, classy, socially acceptable self on paper and in person so we can keep our funding?"

His jaw dropped a little. "You're offering me a job."

"You offered me one." She tilted her head. "And in this case, I actually have the power to hire you - being the head boss and all."

Sitting back, he huffed, "I don't think it's your record which keeps the donors away."

She muttered, "Right- nice face." She smiled prettily. "Please?"

He observed, "I do already have a job."

"I know, and this wouldn't take much time at all. I handle the paperwork and set up donor events and you just sign and show up."

"And be my classy British self."

She shifted the baby so he faced Wesley. "Vincent will love you forever."

He tried very hard to scowl but couldn't make it stick. "Soon, that child will outgrow these boyish charms and be useless as means of persuasion."

She whispered in Vinny's ear, "Show him your baby blues." He breath tickled his cheek making him giggle. "You giving your toothless smile?"

"Gums are visible." Wesley furrowed his brow just as Lilly paused in the doorway. "He say yes yet?"

Looking to the ceiling, he sighed dramatically, "I'll be your front man."

Lil blew baby a kiss. "Thank you Vinny."

She walked away leaving Wesley with mouth agape.

"I agree to help and she thanks the gurgling child."

Moving from her seat, she placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. "Thank you Wes."

He tried to contain his blush. "You're welcome."

While placing Vince in the office crib she murmured to him, "We've still got the charm."

Wes couldn't argue that.

* * *

><p>"Can I talk to Anne?"<p>

"Just let me get her." Liam held the phone to his chest. "ANNE!"

Wiping at spit up on her shirt, Anne walked into the lobby. Before taking the phone, she muttered, "You are so lucky he's a deep sleeper."

"Faith for you."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Is this you postponing your trip again?" She continued wiping at spit up. "Cause I gotta tell you, Vinny is getting messier with every day - not cuter."

"I don't think I should Sunnydale now."

"Stupid hellmouth - it has no respect for a girl's godmother duties."

Faith didn't reply right away. "When was the last time you talked to Joyce?"

"Couple weeks ago." Buffy frowned growing concerned. "Why?"

"She's been getting bad headaches for a while and then this week, she went to a doctor. He wants her to stay overnight for a test. Joyce plays it like it's no big, but I think I should stay with her, you know?"

"Are you in the house now?"

"Yeah, she's napping upstairs."

"I want you to go in the living room and look at the day planner in the desk."

"Okay. . ."

"Now look to the day she went to the appointment. What doctor does it say she saw?

"Sorry, I can't say this name."

"Spell it for me?" Buffy moved to the front desk for a paper and pen. "And what test does it say she's having later?"

"A kit scan."

"Spell it."

"C-T?"

Stepping behind her, Angel put a hand on her shoulder. She tried to beat back her worry with deep breathing. "Okay Faith. You did good."

"What does this mean?"

"It means you were right to stay with her." She leaned back into Angel. "And you're going to need support. You both are."

"You're not saying. . . "

"First, I'm going to talk to mom, then I'll know what I'm saying."

"You and me in Sunnydale, how crazy would that be?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head. "Almost unthinkable."

"Wait, I think I hear her moving around."

"Can you put her on?"

"Yeah, hold on."

Buffy turned in Angel's arms and looked up at him. Her eyes glistened; she sighed, "Is this really happening?"


	2. Chapter 2: Believe in the Journey

**Chapter 2: Believe in the Journey**

Buffy put a hairbrush in her bag and a stake in her jacket. "You sure you're okay with this?"

"Which part?" Angel sat on her bed bouncing Vinny. "You leaving, Lilly staying here, or Joyce moving in?"

She stepped back from packing. "This is too much."

Angel spoke gently, "I'm fine with all of it. I support all of it."

"I'd ask Lilly to take him, but" She reached for Vinny's hand. "There's demons and burglars and normal stupid kids looking for trouble." Vinny grabbed onto a finger and started sucking.

"This is his home. I'm glad Lilly is staying here while you're away. He shouldn't have to leave."

"And my mom?" Her voice cracked. "This plan is absolutely insane."

"We fixed up another guest room so someone could stay here; we just didn't know who yet."

Holding Vincent's hand, she looked at Angel with sad eyes. "I'm taking over your life."

"You've been doing_ that_ since I first saw you." He smirked.

"Angel."

"Liam, remember?"

She flopped face down on the bed. "I don't know what I'm doing." She turned to her side. "What if I'm making a mistake?"

"What's got you worried most?"

"Right now?" She sighed, "Leaving Vincent."

He watched Vin try and eat his own hand. "Sunnydale's no place for a baby."

"Or his mommy or grandmommy." She turned onto her back.

"You're not making a mistake."

She replied with grumbling noises.

He stood up with Vincent. "I bet Sunny's already pulled up the car."

"Okay." She pulled herself up too. "There's extra milk in the fridge, and you have Sunny's number if for some reason you can't reach me."

"Yes."

Walking to the gall, she zipped her bag. "And Cynthia's shift let's out at 11 this week so if you show up at 2, she'll have already walked home by then."

"Noted."

"And try to protect his fingernails from Cody's nail polish." She stopped at the top of the stairs. "I know she thinks it's cute, but baby hands go in baby mouths and ingesting chemicals is never cute."

He nodded.

She took one step down the stair before turning back around. "And don't let her talk you into doing toes either. He's discovered feet and pretty soon those will be in his mouth too."

Smiling, he pointed straight ahead. "Go."

Lilly, Cordelia, and Wesley stood in lobby.

Cordy frowned up at the pair. "You talking about me again."

Buffy said "nope" the same time Angel answered, "always."

"At least the baby likes me." She came toward him with cheek-pinching fingers at the ready.

While looking at Angel, Buffy accepted a goodbye hug from Lilly.

He promised over Cordy's head, "I'll protect the feet."

Nodding, she turned to Lilly. "You gonna be okay while I'm gone?"

"Gunn and I have everything handled."

Wes stepped forward. "What measures have you taken to maintain anonymity?"

"Almost none. I'm leaving a lot of it Faith."

"Faith the girl?"

"She's more familiar with the area and the dangers. At this point, she's lived there longer than I ever did."

Lilly smiled nostalgically. "You're no longer Sunnydale's slayer."

Cordelia grimaced. "Scary thought."

Buffy looked at Angel. "Can you follow me out? I want to say goodbye to Vincent before I go."

"Sure."

Securing her bag, she marched into darkness without glancing back.

Sunny met her from the car and packed her bag away.

Turning around, she found Angel and Vinny waiting at the gate. She reached out her arms to hold her baby.

"Be good for everybody, okay?" She smiled. "I'm going to take the drooling as a yes." She snuggled him close and breathed in his baby scent. Slowly, she handed him back, but she didn't step away. Hovering over Vincent, she rested her head on Angel's chest.

He used the opportunity to breath _her_ in.

She mumbled, "Mom needs me." She reminded herself, "She needs me to get in that car and be strong."

He sheltered her with silence and felt her lean into him more.

Then abruptly, she pulled back. Sniffling softly, she set her shoulders straight. "Okay then. See you in a couple days."

She opened the passenger door and told Sunny to start the car.

Angel watched the jeep drive out of sight before returning inside.

As he reached the stairs, Lilly called out, "Where you going?"

"Diaper change."

She approached with reaching arms. "I'll take care of that. Come here little buddy."

He stepped back. "No, it's fine. I got it."

Lilly laughed. "Don't be silly." She moved forward and took Vinny. "This poopy man won't interfere with your work at all while she's gone. Promise." With baby on hip, she walked up the stairs, down the hall, and out of his sight.

She didn't realize she'd just taken his last connection to Buffy. Forlorn, he gazed at the empty staircase.

"Come on big guy." Cordelia slapped him on the back. "It's about time we got back to serious hero work."

Wesley raised a brow. "Is that why you packed baby costumes and a camera?"

"Anyone can see he's got star potential." She glanced at the front door. "She'll thank me when the money starts rolling in."

"Hero work." Angel continued staring up the stairs. "Right, so what's first?"

Wesley pulled out a pile of case folders. He opened a green one and smiled. "You're going to like this one."

Angel wasn't intrigued but somehow managed to pull himself away from the stairs. "Okay, let's see what we've got."

* * *

><p>Buffy turned from the window to her quiet companion. "Thanks for coming with me."<p>

Hands on the wheel, Sunny shrugged. "I've never actually done a road trip before." He pointed at the back seat. "There's snacks if you're hungry and all the doctor research you left on your desk."

She glanced back at the messy pile. "You're a good road trip buddy."

Gathering courage, he gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Still planning on moving kids to the hotel?"

"There are a bunch of legal and financial hurtles to get over first. We'd need a grant to afford restoration and then Angel's supernatural place of business would become subject to health inspections and regular social work visits . . . complicated is an understatement."

He pressed, "But. . ."

"But the space would be nice. _Sanctuary_ is usually at capacity and every time Gunn sends us someone, he meets more on the street needing help. He talks like abandoned warehouses are some kind of waiting room, but they're filling up faster than we get people out of the shelter and stable on their own."

"There's a lot of need out there."

"We can't help everybody, but Angel, Lilly and Il, we think this is a way to help more."

"Angel part of the team now?"

She smirked a little. "If we move into his place, he will be."

Sunny didn't reply.

"Nothing is changing right now. These are big dreams for future plans." She returned to watching the passing scenery. "Vinny will be long out of diapers before I start attempting any life changing projects."

Her lack of urgency calmed his concerns; it didn't erase them. "But you want it."

"I want more and more every day." She murmured, "It's my curse."

He readjusted his grip on the wheel and tried to relax in his seat. "So what's the deal with this Sunnydale place anyways?"

* * *

><p>Standing outside her room, Lilly watched Angel gaze at a sleeping Vincent. "You're not a normal male that's for sure."<p>

Embarrassed, he stepped back with hands up. "I was just saying good night."

He expected her to chastise him for invasion of privacy. She didn't.

Instead, she asked, "Did you ever have kids, you know, before?"

"When I was human, I didn't want them, and after, well, the topic never came up." He moved nearer the cradle.

"Even with Buffy?"

"Not until Buffy." Remembering the conversation made him smile.

_"Uh, maybe someday, in the future, when I'm done having a life, but... " Her eyes danced with innocence_. _"Right now kids would be just a little too much to deal with."_

_"I wouldn't know."_ _He struggled with how to tell her._ _"I don't... Well, you know, I, I can't."_

_"Oh."_ _She glanced away. "That's okay, um... I-I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or... have little vampires."_

_"So you don't think about the future?"_

_"No."_

_He swallowed. "Never?"_

_"No" She sounded so sure._

_"You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?"_

_"Angel, when I look into the future, a-all I see is you. All I want is you."_

_He tried to memorize the moment, for it was perfect; she was perfect. "I know the feeling."_

"I get it."

Startled, he looked over and found Lilly leaning against a wall.

"I thought she was crazy to put you in her will. Vampires and babies shouldn't go together, but you're so comfortable with him."

"She wrote a will?"

"It's a parent thing not a slayer thing," she reassured. "It says if something happens to her, you and I are supposed to raise him. Technically, that'd make you a guardian, but calling you his guardian Angel is a little cheesy. Take your pick of uncle or godfather."

Lilly used this guest room often. On the dress near the crib sat a picture of Buffy and Lilly and Vin a few hours after his birth. He stared at that Buffy's face. "She never told me that."

"I'm surprised she tells you anything." Realizing how hostile she sounded, she glanced away. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

His eyes stayed glued to the picture. "Contrary to what Anne may think, bringing up the past won't break us ."

She scowled. "Remembering that night isn't good for her." While Angel stared at the photo, she scrutinized him. "I can tell when she's been thinking about it because I'll find her staring at the walls going over and over how horrible she is, how much pain she causes."

"Buffy broods?"

"Those thoughts are still there." Her words drew his eyes to hers. "She pushes them aside to help us, but if there's one thing that could send her down a shame spiral, it's you."

"I don't want that."

"She still wishes you never came to LA." She watched the words wound him. "But I'm glad you did." Standing up straight, she moved to his side. "Someday she's going to save you and realize that that's the way life is supposed to be and everything else is just what's wrong with the world - not her."

They watched the picture together and remembered that day. With Vincent in her arms, Buffy's smile glowed more than it ever had during pregnancy.

Angel mused, "Godfather."

"Maybe father someday." She shrugged at his guffaw. "It could happen."

"It really couldn't."

"All this playing house hasn't got you dreaming of a life with her? And here I thought you were a true believer."

He looked down at Vincent. "Hope is a powerful thing."

Her head tilted. "You mean dangerous."

He didn't reply.

"Anne's not the only one who's needs to work out some issues."


	3. Chapter 3: The Lengths We Go

**Chapter 3: The Lengths We Go**

"I haven't seen you in this house since . . ." Joyce swallowed. "And now you're all grown up taking care of kids yourself."

Sitting on her old couch, Buffy nodded. "Sunny here used to be one of those kids, but now he helps run the shelter." She smiled with pride. "Seeing him in his own place is surreal."

Looking at the floor, he shrugged. "I'm crashing at her old apartment."

Joyce turned to Buffy. "And now you're living. . ."

"At Lia- Angel's new property. We're hoping you'll consider coming to live there too."

Leaning against the wall, Faith added, "Each of you could take a whole floor, and there'd still be room."

"I appreciate the thought but I don't need constant care." She gently reassured, "You're overreacting."

"Probably." Buffy wore her own motherly smile "I miss seeing you, and I want to be a part of your life again and have you a part of mine."

"Can I see the picture again?"

Buffy passed over the wallet baby photo. While Joyce gazed at Vinny, Buffy glanced around taking note of the changes. "For a lot of reasons, we can't be together here." She caught Joyce's gaze. "Please, come back with me where we'll be safe."

"Alright, but I won't be the pestering mother-in-law. I'll find a place of my own."

Faith grinned. "Just wait till you see the place first."

"And Angel's okay with this?" Joyce put down her coffee.

"It was his idea."

Bumping shoulders with Buffy, Faith added. "Angel doesn't have a family so he's trying to horn in on B's."

"We picked up a small trailer on the way down as well as many boxes." Buffy nodded to Sunny. "Faith can drive down whatever is left."

Watching the boy head for the car, Joyce frowned. "You're not worried about being seen?"

Buffy took her hand. "This is more important."

Looking into the others' eyes, they found the same thought: tragedy tore them apart now; now, tragedy was reuniting them.

Joyce sighed. "It's good to see you again."

Over the lump in her throat, Buffy replied, "It's good to see you too."

* * *

><p>Faith taped up a box and added it to the pile. "You really think we can get this packed in two days?"<p>

Smiling, Sunny shook his head.

"What?"

He bubble-wrapped up the jewelry box. "Slayers kill monsters no problem but leave packing to you two and no one would ever move." He passed her the wrap.

"Doesn't sound so bad."

Watching her pop the bubbles, he frowned. "You gonna miss havin' a roommate?"

"Joyce isn't a gal pal. She's more like . . ."

"Family."

Keeping her eyes down, she nodded. "Just kinda wish I had a replacement slayer, you know?"

"Yeah."

"Guess we can't all get as lucky as B."

Sunny frowned at the comment but didn't reply. Outside Joyce's room, Buffy and her mom were having their own awkward moment.

"Are you sure Angel's a good influence around the baby? He didn't seem that stable to me."

Buffy carried three boxes of files down the stairs. "He wasn't then. He's come a long way." She glanced back at her. "We both have."

"He was obsessed with you." She lowered her voice to whisper. "He _stalked_ you."

"And I killed him. I'd say we're even." Not hearing her mother's steps, Buffy stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned around. "Nothing I say is going to make my life make sense to you." Her mom wore a look of shock. "Do you still want to be a part of it?"

Still stunned, Joyce nodded.

Buffy put down the boxes and walked back up for more. Pausing, she added softly, "I forgave him the unforgivable, and he did the same for me."

"I just want you safe."

"I promise we are. When you see him with Vinny, you'll understand. There's no one I trust more with him."

Joyce's shoulders lost some of their tension. "Alright."

"I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm a good mom."

"I believe it." They started up the stairs together.

"I can't wait for Vincent to meet his grandma."

"Grandma sounds much too old. Is nanna taken - by his other grandma I mean?"

Buffy's step nearly faltered. "Nanna is all yours."

She smiled to herself. "Nanna Joyce."

Buffy was glad the name made her mom happy because little else about her life would. At the end of the day, she was a single mom working multiple jobs and shacking with her ex. Nothing about that could possibly make her mother proud.

* * *

><p>"So this is where you've been hiding out." Cordelia watched Angel feed Vincent on Buffy's bed. "You worked all day and now your spending your night being Mr. Mom. Isn't that why Lilly's here?"<p>

"She works during the day too. Why should she get all the baby time?"

"Are you whining?"

"No."

"Buffy asked her to watch him so you could have a break from baby duties." She tilter her head. "But you don't want a break." When no denial came, she frowned. "Why didn't you say something before she left?"

He grumbled. "I didn't think Lilly would be so - on top of things."

"Gunn's stories do make her sound flaky."

"It's like she has a special baby sense. She's there before he even starts to cry."

She took a seat next to him. "Maybe she has superpowers or _maybe_ she read the schedule Buffy left her."

He stroked Vinny's cheek. "I don't want him to forget about me."

"I can only imagine how his mom is handing the separation." She studied Angel's unwrinkled brow. "You're doing well with her gone . . . suspiciously well."

He shrugged.

She spotted signs of a smile. "What?"

"This is where she wants to be. She'll do whatever it takes to get back to him." He whispered to Vincent, "She won't disappear."

"You worry about that a lot, don't you?" She put a hand on his leg. "Angel, she's not going anywhere. This is her home now."

Looking around at Buffy's nick nacks and pictures, he smiled thoughtfully. "It is."

"There you are!" Lilly appeared in the doorway. "If you're going to keep taking him, at least wear a bell so I can find you." She approached to pick Vinny up.

Sheepishly, he handed him over. "Sorry." Cordelia thought he was more sorry for to give Vincent up than for stealing him.

Lilly turned to her. "You'd think he'd enjoy getting his life back instead of sabotaging baby monitors."

Cordelia gave him a side glance. "You didn't." His silence made her smirk.

Rolling her eyes, Lilly bounced Vincent on her hip, "Anne must have constant panic attacks living here. " She left with a huff, "Baby thief."

Without Vinny in his arms, Angel looked bereft.

Cordy squeezed his leg again. "Buffy will be home real soon for him and for you."

He didn't look convinced.

Annoyed by his humility, she insisted, "You belong together; she knows that." She stood to leave. "And so do you."

Pondering her words, he lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "Wonder what Vincent thinks about it."

* * *

><p>Sitting on her back porch steps, Buffy gazed at the stars and savored the quiet. The door creaked, but she didn't turn. "They're brighter here than in LA."<p>

Taking a seat on the step beside her, Faith looked up. "I never really noticed."

"Neither did I."

"The trailer is all packed and your mom seems up for the trip."

Buffy stayed quiet.

"I guess this is your last time here. With Angel and Joyce in LA, there isn't a reason to come back."

"He said once that I never really left." She continued looking up. "Maybe now I can."

Faith chuckled, "No worries about me and the hellmouth?"

"No."

"You either believe in me more than anyone else or you totally want me dead."

Buffy smiled a little. "Which do you think?"

She sighed, "I've got a lot to live up to."

Leaving the stars, her eyes fell to the ground between them. "You want me to say it. Alright," Their eyes met. "If you need me, I've got your back, always."

Her solemn promise made Faith lower her eyes. "Thanks."

Buffy nodded. "Whatever you decide here, you'll always have a place with us."

"Yo Anne, ready to go?" Sunny came around the side yard. "You're mom's in the jeep."

"I'll be right there."

Sunny turned back as Buffy stood. "You coming?"

Faith shook her head. "Joyce and I had our goodbye."

"Okay, don't be a stranger." She ruffled her hair playfully. "Vincent will be expecting a visit."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So will Joyce."

Faith nodded gravely.

"Bye Faith."

She stared at the ground. Sitting on the porch step, Faith waited till she heard the car start up and listened as it moved past hearing range. Only then did she whisper, "bye."

Joyce looked at Buffy through the rear-view mirror. "So tell me about Vincent's father."

"He's not really in the picture."

She turned to Sunny. "Did you know him?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Mom." She felt sixteen again.

"You can be secretive about boyfriends but I think I deserve to know something about the father of your firstborn."

Before Buffy could think of a good response, Sunny blurted, "He's a dork."

"Sunny."

He shrugged at the mirror. "Sorry Anne, but you know it's true. You're boy literally whistles while he works."

"Not all the time."

He looked away from the road to glance at Joyce, "If Vincent turns a little nerdy, blame it on his pops."

Buffy rested her head against the window. "This is going to be a long drive."

They passed the "now leaving Sunnydale" sign, but not before passing something else, a stoplight by a bar.

Spike stepped out of it just as Sunny slowed for the red. The trailer was hard to miss - as was the familiar face. "Where you goin' Joyce?"

When the light turned green, the jeep continued on the road out of town. Spike turned to a nearby bar patron opening his car. Putting on his vamp face, he growled, "Keys. Now."

Terrified, the human dropped his keys and backed away. "What are you?"

"Curious mate and maybe, just a bit excited." Starting the car, he glanced at the still quivering man."I've still got it." His smirk lasted the whole way out of town.

* * *

><p><strong>So, what ya thinkin? Any predictions on who's coming back or future happenings?<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Questions which Echo

**Chapter 4: Questions which Echo**

Sunny opened the car door for Joyce.

She got out with wide eyes. "Someone actually lives year?"

Smiling, Buffy looped her arm through hers. "Come on."

Sunny grabbed some luggage while they entered the gate.

They passed the garden and fountain in silence until finally reaching the door.

"Mom, this is our home."

Walking through the doorway, Joyce gasped at the interior.

Angel came down the stairs with Vincent in his arms. "You're back."

"How's my boy?" Buffy grinned at Vinny's gurgle bubbles.

"He _was_ ready for sleepy time." Angel came up and smiled at Joyce. "Hi Mrs. Summers. Was the drive okay?"

She nodded and leaned towards Vince. "He looks just like you as a baby."

Buffy smiled and took him in her arms. "For his sake, I hope that's where the resemblance ends."

As Sunny came inside, Angel took the bags. "I'll put these in her room."

Sunny glanced around. "Where's Lilly?"

Joyce frowned. "That's your business partner, right?"

Buffy nodded. "You'll like her."

Angel passed them with luggage. "She's sleeping."

"Angel!"

He cringed. "Or not."

"Angel!" Lilly leaned over the balcony. "Whoa, people." She hurried down the stairs. "Is this your mom?"

Buffy moved Vince to her hip. "Mom this is Lilly. Lilly this is my mom."

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Steele."

Buffy whispered, "I'll catch you up later."

Joyce nodded and shook the girls hand. "Is everything alright? You sounded upset." She glanced at Angel.

Lilly shrugged. "Vincent's safe and accounted for, so I guess it's fine." She turned to Buffy. "I came this close to putting an anti-vampire spell on Vinny's crib."

"Why? Wait, you can do that?"

Angel appeared at the balcony. "She could, but that wouldn't be very good guest behavior."

Lilly glared up at him. "Neither are the others spells I know."

Raising a brow, Buffy turned her attention to Vinny. "Looks like I came back just in time."

Sunny looked at Joyce. "You must be tired from the drive."

Buffy stroked her shoulder. "Yeah mom, you should get some sleep."

"What about you?"

She smiled. "Me too. Let's show you your room."

Joyce nodded to Lilly and Sunny. "It was good to meet you."

Sunny waved. "See you around Mrs. Summers."

Lily frowned and stayed with Sunny for an explanation as well as a trip summary.

While her friends caught up, Buffy walked her mom to a room near her own. "We finished fixing up this room a couple weeks ago. The property hasn't been owned in a while so we're restoring it one piece at a time."

"I see what Faith meant about space."

"The whole Summers clan could move in and we'd still have room."

Joyce sat down on the bed. "I didn't realize how tired I was."

Trying to hide her worry, she sat beside her, "It's been a big day."

"Indeed, it has."

"I'll let you rest." She smiled. "Sheets are clean so all you need is to climb inside."

"Can I hold him?"

"He'd like that." She carefully placed Vince in his Nana's arms.

"Hello Vincent. You are a handsome young man."

"This is your Nana Joyce." Buffy took his little hand in hers. "She's the lady I've been telling you about."

"He's beautiful Buffy."

She looked at her mom's smile. "We're glad you're here."

"I never thought I'd see the day. . ." Her eyes shined with tears of awe.

Buffy's heart squeezed for a different reason.

* * *

><p>Watching Vincent play on his blanket, an exhausted Buffy lay on the floor.<p>

Angel peaked in the door. "Do you want me to take him so you can rest?"

"I've been away too long already. I can stay up till he falls asleep."

He started closing the door to give her privacy.

"Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"I-" She looked up. "Will you-"

"What is it?"

"I-" She shook her head. "Just tired I guess."

"How about I stay still_ you _fall asleep, so he doesn't get stranded on a blanket."

She smiled sleepily.

Taking that as permission, Angel settled down against the trunk on the other side of Vince.

"How long _can_ you stay up?"

He smirked. "As long as it takes."

Groaning, she turned her blushing face to the floor.

He tickled Vinny with one hand. "She doesn't think that's funny."

She choked on a laugh and felt her eyes watering. Feeling Angel's concern, she rubbed her face with her hand to keep back any tears. "It's been a long couple of days."

"You did a good thing going back for her."

"I shouldn't have kept her out for so long." She rolled onto her back. "She asked about Vince's father." She watched Vinny play with Angel's hand. "I wanted to lie so badly. That's how much I screwed up; I'd rather say I slept with a deadbeat, than admit I married someone she never met and started a family without telling her."

"I'm sure she understands you didn't do it to hurt her."

"If I told her about Lindsey, she'd want to meet him and see me and-." Rolling to her side, she reached out to Vincent. "I wasn't ready for that, so I didn't say anything." She looked at him with guilt in her eyes. "It couldn't hurt her if she didn't know."

"Did she say she was mad at you?"

She shook her head.

"Disappointed?"

"No."

"Then maybe it's best you focus on making the most of the time you two have now."

With her hand over his heart, she watched Vinny's eyelids droop closed. "When will I stop hurting the ones I love?"

Watching her watch Vincent, he remained quiet. Having hurt everyone he'd ever loved, he was no stranger to her question; he didn't have an answer either.

She placed her hand over his before getting up and putting Vincent to bed.

He'd listened to her fears and regrets, and apparently, that was enough. She could be strong knowing her secrets were safe. Her very own sanctuary, he'd defend her thoughts and feelings against judgments.

* * *

><p>Lindsey sat with his guitar on the window sill. Gazing at the cloudy sky, he sang:<p>

_Livin' with me, it ain't easy  
>but I do it every day<br>sometimes even now  
>I wanna run away<br>but there you are  
>you're tryin' to please me<br>and you stand your ground  
>that's more than I deserve<em>

He smiled at the sliver of sunlight.

_I've taken more than I've been given  
>I've taken for granted this life I'm livin'<br>I don't know why heaven above  
>blessed me with your sweet love<br>I know I never tell you what you're worth  
>'Cause it's more than I deserve<em>

Turning, he found Monica in the doorway.

"That's beautiful. Is it yours?"

He picked up a wrinkled piece of paper. "It's in my handwriting, but for the life of me, I can't remember writing it."

"Must have been a while ago."

"Ashamed to say I forgot the girl too." He shook his head with a sheepish smile. "Guess love didn't make a lasting impression."

"Lucky girl. She got your heart before law stole it away."

He put the paper back in his guitar case. "More likely I made her up."

She looked at the mess of papers in there. "What else can you play?"

"Whatever you like darlin'." He plucked a few chords. "I'm in the mood to sing."

"What brought this on?"

"Remember when I told you about my ESP moments?"

Nodding, she chuckled, "You mean your crazy reaction to work overload?"

He held back a smirk. "Since I cut back my hours, I don't get them much, but I don't know; something about today . . ."

"And this has nothing to do with your new assignment at work."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not having a nervous breakdown."

"Good cuz I like your apartment too much to leave you."

He mock growled.

"Where do you think all these feelings are leading to anyway?" She grinned. "You already got the girl."

His eyes didn't share his smile. "I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm hoping I'll know it when I see it."

She took his guitar from him and set it down. "You'll see happiness isn't something you chase after." She climbed into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I should lure it to me, huh?"

"You can't find it Lindsey. It finds you."

He kissed her. "I can hardly wait."

* * *

><p><strong>Next week, Buffy's will find her life further complicated; Joyce, Lindsey, and Spike, oh my!<strong>

**The song in this chapter was written by the Christian Kane, the actor who played Lindsey. It's called More Than I Deserve. **


	5. Chapter 5: Psychic's Nightmare

**Chapter 5: Psychic's Nightmare**

Joyce stood in _Sanctuary _as it buzzed with activity. "This is amazing Buffy."

She smiled softly, "Anne remember?"

"Oh, right." Joyce blushed. "Of course. I'll try not to forget."

"And thank you." Bouncing Vinnny on her hip, she glanced around. "Lilly and I put everything we have into this place."

Carrying a new sofa with Dan, Gunn yelled at Raquel and Bernie to pick up the trash in the living room.

"Does he work here too?"

"I'm not Gunn's boss, but he certainly works here. He helped Lil run the place while I was gone."

Lilly came in with glasses of ice tea. "Here you go Mrs Ste-ummers."

Joyce smiled sympathetically. "How about you just call me Joyce."

Lilly sighed with relief. "Has she given you the tour yet?''

"I don't know." She looked to Buffy. "I've certainly seen a lot of it."

"Mom is still floored I actually have a job."

"I never said that."

Buffy used dancing fingers to make Vinny smile. "Mommy's no slacker."

Lilly smiled. "Your daughter is the smartest person I know." She waved her hand at the room "None of this could have happened without her."

Gunn stood next to Lilly. "Glad you made it back unscathed."

"How do you feel about running things another night?"

"What's up?"

"Angel asked me along on a research trip, so Lilly's on Vincent duty. Sunny will be here to help you though."

As Gunn nodded, Joyce whispered. "You're not slaying with him are you?"

Gunn scowled. "She better not." Lilly put a hand on his back.

"Like I said, I'm just his secretary." Buffy nodded at her mom . "I've been taking it real easy since Vincent was born."

Gunn let out the breath he was holding. "This place is plenty work."

Lilly rubbed circles on his back as he put his arm around her. "_Sanctuary_ isn't about saving the world. We're just doing a little good where we can."

Sunny stepped in from the porch. "Anne, I need your take on something."

"Do not tell me we got tagged again." She handed Vince to her mom. "Oh for the days of violent solutions."

Lilly called after her, "Gemma's got the cleaning supplies." She turned to Joyce and gestured. "Let's sit. Ask me anything."

Buffy walked down the stoop with Sunny. "What do ya got?"

"Remember the car tailing us last night?"

"Hard to miss."

He nodded at the homeless demon across the street. "Willard said he saw a driver parked here about an hour ago. Sounds like the same."

"What'd he look like?"

"Windows were all painted black."

"So a vampire followed me back from Sunnydale."

Sunny gave her a moment to come up with a plan.

"Tell the group to do extra patrols here for the next couple days."

"What about the hotel?"

"Lil put every protection and anti-violence spell she knows on it. Vince and my mom will be fine as long as they don't go inviting any strangers in."

"Lilly knows better."

"She does." She worried her bottom lip. "I'm betting all this vamp has is a hunch. As long as we behave normally and stay alert, we should be able to get him before he signals anyone."

"Unless he already has."

She nodded. "Don't tell the others. I want to hunt this one myself."

He frowned.

"This is too important to trust to someone else." She touched his arm. "Can you trust me?"

He pursed his lips. "Your mom will be pissed if you die."

She took that at his way of saying he trusted her to the handle this alone. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>"You should sing too." Angel held the door open for Buffy. "It'd be a good way to find out if you're cursed."<p>

Cordy frowned. "I thought we were here for work stuff."

Wesley frowned too. "Why would Anne be cursed?"

"I never said I was." She glared at Angel. "We're here for your questions not mine."

Cordy made big eyes at him. "You'll pick something short right?"

Leading the way into Caritas, Buffy glanced back. "Why haven't I heard you sing before?"

Wesley grimaced. "Count yourself fortunate."

"Just for that I'm going with _Stairway to Heaven_."

"Don't even jo-"

Cordelia's jaw dropped a little. "Whoa."

"Lindsey?"

Onstage sat Anne's ex husband with his guitar.

_She's pretty as a picture  
>She is like a golden ring<br>Circles me with love and laughter  
>And I can't feel a thing<br>_

Lorne came over. "Isn't he fabulous?"

Angel clarified, "_He _comes here."

"He comes all the time - one of our favorite regulars."

Cordelia stood entranced. "Wow, I totally get it now. I'd make babies with him too."

Angel coughed, "Cordelia."

"What? I'm approving. That's what friends do."

Buffy bumped his arm. "I'm used to her approval by now."

_The sky's gonna open  
>People gonna pray and crawl<br>It's gonna rain down fire  
>It's gonna burn us all<em>

Enjoying the music, Wesley added, "I don't disapprove."

She looked over. "Now I'm uncomfortable."

Watching others in the bar sway to the tune, Angel nodded his agreement.

_The sky's gonna open  
>People gonna pray and sing<br>I can't feel_

Lorne smiled, "You going to grace us with your voice sugar lumps?"

She watched Lindsey approach the group. "Sorry Lorne, not tonight."

Lorne's disappointment faded when Lindsey shook his hand. "New song?"

"And a new face." Lindsey smiled at Buffy.

Angel stepped in. "Shouldn't you be asking Lorne your question?"

Ignoring him, Lindsey asked her, "You sing?"

Cordelia interrupted, "No one should go up after that performance."

Wesley nodded. "You are quite talented."

Lorne patted Lindsey on the back. "Sorry kid, I didn't see anything different."

He didn't seem surprised. Shrugging, he turned back to Buffy. "I usually play more than one. How 'bout you sing a cover with me? It'll be easy."

Shaking her head, she felt Lorne push her forward. "She'd love to. I've been trying to get her up there for ages."

Seeing the men around her stiffen, Linds added, "Don't worry boys. I'm just helping out a newcomer. Unless one of you'd like to back her up?"

Cordelia guffawed.

Before Wesley and Angel could argue, Lorne herded Lindsey and Buffy onstage.

Angel looked over, "How will his firm react to this?"

"As per the contract, it's their blunder - not hers." Wesley shrugged helplessly, "Wolfram and Hart took full responsibility over separation. "

Cordelia continued to moon over Lindsey in casual wear. "More important question, what are they going to sing?"

Lindsey's smile was friendly and reassuring as he set up a mike and stool for her. "Got a name?"

"Anne."

He smiled into his microphone, "Folks, this is my new friend Annie. She's going to be helpin' out on this next one."

With nerves in her belly, she nodded she was okay to start.

He plucked those unforgettable notes and she sang.

_You got a fast car  
>I want a ticket to anywhere.<br>Maybe we make a deal  
>Maybe together we can get somewhere.<em>

_Any place is better  
>Starting from zero got nothing to lose.<br>Maybe we'll make something  
>But me myself I got nothing to prove.<em>

While Lindsey sang the next verse, Cordelia shrugged. "She doesn't suck."

Neither Wesley nor Angel made comment -both too focused on the interplay between performers. With smiles and glances, they sang to each other as much as they did for their audience.

_You got a fast car  
>But is it fast enough so we can fly away?<br>We gotta make a decision.  
>We leave tonight or live and die this way.<em>

Apparently, Linds meant what he said about backing her up. Even when they sang together, he kept his voice reigned in. The mood between them shifted from serious to playful with the lyrics:

_I remember we were driving, driving in your car  
>The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk.<br>City lights lay out before us  
>And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder.<br>And I had a feeling that I belonged  
>And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone.<em>

Wesley observed, "They look . . ."

"Coupley," Cordy finished for him.

Wesley corrected, "Like they've done this before."

Coming over, Lorne whispered furiously, "Why didn't you tell me they were a psychic's nightmare?"

Angel glanced at him. "Not enjoying the show?"

"My head hurts; my heart hurts. The only things that _aren't _sore are my ears."

Wesley adjusted his glasses. "Serves you right for meddling."

"That's why our cowboy's future is blank." He shook his head with disgust. "His bosses literally erased his destiny."

Cordelia squealed, "You can't tell _him_ that."

"Sweetie, I won't have to."

Following his gaze, Angel watched the two onstage.

Buffy sang the last verse right to Lindsey.

_You got a fast car  
>Is it fast enough so you can fly away?<br>You gotta make a decision  
>Leave tonight or live and die this way.<em>

When the song ended, the bar's patrons applauded full heartedly.

He stuck out his hand before setting down his guitar. "I'm Lindsey by the way."

She shook it with a smile. "You have good taste in music."

"You ever do that before?" He followed her off the stage.

"Never in front of people."

Lorne approached them. "I can see someone's been keeping secrets"

Linds grinned. "Wasn't she great?"

He looked at her pointedly. "Unbelievable."

Lindsey glanced between them. "I'll let you guys talk in peace." He shook her hand again. "Don't be a stranger 'round here."

Coming over with the others, Wesley stood close to Buffy. "You were wonderful honey."

She leaned into him affectionately. "Thanks." Wesley kissed her forehead. Seeing her eyes close contentedly, Lindsey frowned a little.

Before Cordelia could comment, Angel pinched her.

"Ow!"

"I better go." Linds waved to Lorne. "See ya next week."

"Alright." Lorne sighed, "Let's sit." He chose an out of the way booth.

Noticing Lindsey's lingering eyes, Wesley held Buffy's hand and sat close beside her.

Cordelia opened her mouth to question, and Angel stomped her foot.

"Why are you being so mean to me?"

"Later." He grumbled, "I'll tell you later."

Lorne focused on Buffy. "Sugarlumps, you've got trouble ahead."

Angel frowned. "What did you see?"

Buffy met Lorne's eyes and read pain there, pain for her."You don't just mean Lindsey."

"You haven't seen the last of him, but he's not the worst of it."

Cordelia huffed, "Just tell us already."

He kept watching her with sad eyes.

His despair communicated with her gut. It churned with dread. "Can I stop it?"

He didn't answer.

Impatient, Angel growled, "Lorne."

Breathing deeply, Lorne closed his eyes, and slowly, he shook his head.

Her gaze turned distant. "Then maybe I shouldn't know."

Lorne blinked his understanding.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Can you guys be more dramatic?"

Angel turned to Buffy. "We can't fight blind. We need to know what we're up against."

Feeling Wesley's hand in hers, she squeezed it. "I'd like to go now. I want to get back to my family."

He grabbed her jacket off the seat. "Of course."

They scooted out of the booth and walked outside.

Lorne reached for Angel's hand. "It's for the best."

Watching Angel leave too, Cordelia flung up her hands. "What did I miss?"

* * *

><p><strong>The first song Lindsey sang is called <em>LA song<em> by Christian Kane. It's the song Lindsey sang for Lorne in the series**

**The song Lindsey and Buffy sang together is called _Fast Car_ by Tracy Chapman. Christian Kane actually did a cover of that song for an album.**


	6. Chapter 6: You Have a Plan, Right?

**Chapter 6: You Have a Plan, Right?**

"What was that back there?"Angel grabbed Buffy's arm. "Why wouldn't you ask what's coming?"

Behind them, Cordelia frowned. "So you guys were faking being a couple?"

Wes sighed, "To discourage any romantic interest Lindsey may have developed, yes."

Hearing Angel yell, "Talk to me!", Cordy whispered, "Does he know?"

Wesley herded her past the arguing couple to the hotel.

Angel plead,"Tell me what you're scared of."

"This is my decision."

"But it doesn't make sense." Angel lowered his voice. "Since when do we _not _fight fate?"

Buffy kept her eyes averted.

"We've beaten prophesies, crossed dimensions and sure, sometimes we lose, but we always try." He pressed, "You've always tried."

"And when it comes, I will." She met his eyes. "You can bet on it."

He started to ask another question when Wesley yelled, "ANGEL!"

The couple ran inside and stopped dead in their tracks.

"Ello slayer."

Spike sat on the couch with Joyce and a cup of cocoa.

Lilly stood by them with Vincent in her arms. "Everything go okay?"

Joyce smiled. "Spike just dropped by to make sure everything was alright."

Angel looked furious.

Spike raised his cup of cocoa at the room. "If I'd known Joyce was moving up in life, I would have brought a housewarming gift."

Cordelia glanced at Buffy. "Want me to grab a stake?"

Wes added, "I have holy water."

Buffy raised a restraining hand.

Lilly furrowed her brow. "I thought he was a friend of Joyce."

Spike and Joyce replied simultaneously, "I am." "He is."

Buffy nodded. "It's alright Lil. You did the right thing. Go and return your grandma's call. I'm sure Myrtle is waiting up for it."

Watching Lilly pass him, Angel muttered, "What?"

"This is Spike! There's nothing right about him," Cordy yelped.

The big bad winked at her. "Thanks for noticing pet."

Wesley huffed off. "I'll go make sure Vincent is alright."

Hearing Angel crack his knuckles, Buffy remained calm. "It's been a while. I assume the blue honda is yours?"

Angel hissed, "You knew he was here?"

"'S not mine in the strictest sense, with someone nickin' Mrs. Summers, I made do." He smirked, "Grown a bit dodgy, have ya, love?."

Joyce nodded, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. I'm sure Faith would have though."

Cordelia grumbled, "I knew she was still evil."

Looking at Spike, Buffy smiled slightly. "You continue to surprise me." She frowned. "You're sitting in my house under the same roof as my mother and my son, and here you are, not even trying to get away."

"Your wha," He looked at where Lilly had been standing. "That was . . . he's - Bloody hell!"

"Cordelia." Angel looked at her pointedly. "Why don't you help Joyce get settled in some more."

Picking up his meaning, Cordy shepherded Mrs. Summers up the stairs. "How's the unpacking going?"

Joyce continued glancing back. "Is everything alright? They all looks so tense."

"Welcome to life with your daughter."

Buffy slowly approached him.

"I didn't touch him - never even held the lil boy. Joyce didn't say- I thought he was the bird's I swear." He squeaked, "I have a chip!"

"You know from Angelus you don't have to lay a finger on someone to destroy him."

"I-I"

She lay a hand on his cheek. "All you have to do is open your mouth."

Angel stood behind her. "Will, meet the mother lion."

His cocoa mug fell to the ground.

* * *

><p>Lilly stared down at the closed office door. "What do you think she's doing in there?"<p>

Wesley leaned against the railing next to her. "I haven't heard him scream yet."

Sipping a cop of blood, Angel stepped out of the kitchen. "Maybe she ripped out his vocal chords."

Wes thought he sounded hopeful. "And you wonder why she kicked you out."

"I don't wonder at all." He took another sip.

Lilly looked between the men. "Guys, Anne doesn't torture people. If he's still alive, that means she has a plan." Not hearing them argue, she clarified, "A non-bloody plan."

Wesley glanced over sympathetically. "Perhaps, you'd best wait with Mrs. Summers."

"Fine, but you'll see, she's not like that."

Calmly, Angel rebutted, "When _you_ were in danger, she was exactly like that."

"Slayers aren't diplomats," Wesley gently informed. "When threatened, your friend is prone to use violence. It's what comes most natural to her."

She shook her head. "She told me about that night. She isn't proud of it. She even apologized."

"To the demon?"

"To me and Sunny. She knows it was wrong."

Angel held his mug at his side. "And given a second chance, she'd do it again."

"You don't know that."

"I know she doesn't base her decisions on the fact she's a slayer. She bases them on love. I can't imagine her loving anyone more than Vincent. Can you?"

Lilly's eyes jumped to the office door.

Angel stared at it too. "She'll do what she has to."

Without another word, Lilly returned to Joyce's room.

* * *

><p>From his seat, his knee began to shake, "So, what's the plan pet?"<p>

Buffy turned off the office hot pot. "Don't know yet."

Watching her fill up two mugs, he frowned, "So we're what? Waiting till one pops in your head?"

"Hmm." She glanced at the clock. "It lives about twenty minutes away."

Spike's knee stilled. "The call to grandma was actually . . ."

"An SOS to a knowledgeable gypsy." She handed him a cup of cocoa.

Looking at the baby marshmallows, he mumbled, "You gonna put a soul in me?"

She sat in the chair next to him and wrapped fingers around her steaming mug. "Where's Drusilla?"

"Dru's dead to me." He poked at the white gobs. "Not dusty dead, if that's what you're getting at."

"Last time I saw you two, you were headedin' for evilly ever after. What happened?"

"Blasted deal buggered everything." He shook his head. "She never forgave me for sidin' with you against Angelus."

Buffy smiled slightly. "So you chose to stick it to her by becoming a white hat?"

"Am not!"

She looked at her drink. "Faith says you're good in a fight taking on demons twice your size."

"Bet your - you talk to Faith?"

Frowning, she chuckled, "You think I could move mom out without Faith noticing?"

"I don't know what you're capable of."

"Ditto."

Spike thought he saw worry in her eyes. "Slayer, I'd never harm a tot - least of all Joyce's grandchild."

She considered him for a moment before narrowing her eyes. "What do you want?"

"Nothing." He lowered his voice, "I came to check on your mum. That's it."

"What do you want _from your life_?"

"I'm not understanding you."

"Do you want to go back to Sunnydale, or do you want to stay," She gestured with her cup, "here?"

"I'm-I don't-you feeling alright love?"

"I've seen magic make a dad forget he even had a family. I've no doubt Myrtle can make you forget Vincent. " She stared at her marshmallows. "but I'm not sure that's what you want." She nodded to herself. "You followed her here; you followed me here for a reason." She leaned back in her chair. "So yes, I'm waiting till the answer comes to me."

* * *

><p>Cordelia folded her arms. "So she didn't kill him."<p>

Joyce sighed, "Oh good."

Lilly sighed too. "I knew she had a plan." Seeing Cordelia's scowl, Lilly observed, "You look disappointed."

"Unlike _other _problems in our lives, this one had a permanent solution."

Lilly picked up her tone. "Did everything go okay tonight?"

Joyce took Vince from Lilly. "Buffy wasn't slaying was she?"

"Worse, she was singing with the enemy."

Lilly smiled. "She sang with Angel?"

Joyce calmed. "I didn't know he could sing."

"Angel's not the enemy." Exasperated, Cordy shook her head, "The real enemy was a lot easier on the ears. . . . his voice and that music -just whoa."

"Do you mean. . .?" Lilly frowned "Did you guys see Lindsey?"

"Saw, heard, and in Buffy's case totally flirted with."

Joyce shifted Vinny on her lap. "Buffy's involved with another vampire?"

"No." Lilly stroked Vince's head. "Lindsey's not a demon; he's a lawyer."

"Oh. Then why did Cordelia say-?

"She doesn't like his bosses. None of us do."

Cordy shrugged, "They're evil."

Joyce waved Vincent's little hand . "Well, you never know when a man might change. Maybe this Lindsey wants to do what Spike did and fight for the little guy."

Lilly's head tilted. "What's she going to do about Spike anyway?"

Rolling her eyes, Cordy huffed, "I don't know, but your friend is here and the downstairs smells like sulfur."

Joyce grimaced as her head began to ache.

* * *

><p>"I'm not certain this is possible."<p>

Buffy helped Myrtle mash the rest of the herbs. "I'm not asking you to create something from nothing. Just multiply what's already inside."

With her back to Spike, she whispered, "Dear, there might not be anything inside to work with."

"Maybe not, but I want to try."

From his position on the floor, Spike asked, "Figure out what I want yet?"

"To belong dearie." Myrtle sprinkled herbs over him while Buffy lit candles. "That's what we all want. The question is do you belong here."

Buffy sat one side of him and Myrtle sat on the other. They held hands above him.

Looking into Buffy's eyes, Myrtle's widened, "You have great power. You could have done this alone."

"My power is for other things." She lifted their hands. "Take what you need. I trust you."

Myrtle hummed.

Tapping his fingers restlessly, Spike added, "For the record, I don't trust either of you."

Buffy maintained eye contact with Myrtle. "Tell me to stop and we will; the memory spell is easier than this."

"Don't rightly know what 'this' is."A s Myrtle started chanting, Spike fidgeted, "Better not be sneaking a soul into me."

"This is you, Spike." Buffy breathed deep. "This is all you."

"Auhh." Spike gasped as his eyes watered. "This -AHHH- bloody." He gasped again. "Hurts." He alternated between groaning and growling.

"I know." She looked down at him. "Loving is painful."

"I don't- Aaowhh!" A tear streaked down his cheek.

Staring into Myrtle's eyes, she listened as Spike's screams grew louder and louder.


	7. Chapter 7: Preparation

**Chapter 7: Preparation**

"You should have called me."

Buffy smiled into the phone. "I am calling you."

"You know what I mean," Sunny grumbled. "I could have backed you up."

"I had enough backup last night; trust me." She sat down on the fountain. "Lilly make it over safe?"

"Her and Gunn are catching up now."

She smiled. "And he thought _living_ with a vampire was crazy. . . "

"He'll have to get it to judge," he sighed, "and good luck there."

Nodding, she sighed, "A special spell for a special vamp."

"Because of the chip?"

"Those soldiers did a number on him, but he's always been unique."

"So, no travel partners."

"Probably not."

"Just in case, we'll keep up patrols here for a while."

"Appreciated." Through the glass doors, she looked into the hotel's lobby.

"Things okay there?"

While Vinny sat on Joyce's lap, Spike made funny faces earning many a' giggle. She imagined Angel standing by with a scowly pout. "Things are _weird_, but I guess I don't have to worry about my mom feeling at home here."

"Really."

She chuckled. "I thought Faith was exaggerating, but my mom really is good friends with a vampire." She watched Spike hand Joyce a bottle. "Her first doctor's appointment is today and Spike is determined to come along."

"How's that work?"

"He said all he needs a blanket."

"He's trusting a piece of cloth with his life. . ."

She shrugged. "Apparently, he does it all the time."

"You meet the craziest vamps."

She heard the smile in his voice.

"But this means no solo hunting , right?"

"Right."

Opening the door, Cordelia called out, "Angel accidentally killed Spike, that's okay right?"

"Sunny, I gotta go."

"Good luck."

Buffy hung up the phone and followed Cordy inside. "Now, what's the problem?"

"The smelly undead thing wants to hold the baby."

Spike's eyes widened. "No I don't."

Wesley flipped through the business's calendar. "So that wasn't you with reaching arms."

"Joyce was getting tired."

Angel barely contained a growl.

Rolling her eyes, Buffy took Vinny from her mom. "Sorry about the chaos. The team doesn't always play well with others."

Joyce smiled softly. "It's alright."

"Spike, maybe you could help mom unpack some of her art."

He helped Joyce off the couch. "Come on love, you point and I place." As he passed Buffy, Spike muttered, "Maybe you could get a bloke some blood."

She nodded and ignored the others' stares. "Vinny, say ba-bye to the smelly man."

"Oi!"

"Cigarettes and bourbon - worst cologne ever."

Spike followed Joyce up the stairs. "You actually missed that bint?"

"She's never been an easy child."

"Hey!" Buffy called up to them.

Joyce chuckled, "But she's right. You do smell like a bar."

Without turning around, Spike grumbled, "Not a word, slayer. Not a bloody word."

She let them ascend the stairs in peace. When the pair was out of sight, she turned to the others. "I appreciate you looking out for Vincent."

Angel crossed his arms. "But . . ."

"No buts." She shifted her hold on Vinny. "He's lucky to have you guys. We both are."

Wesley surmised, "You don't trust Spike either."

"I don't trust a lot of people."

Raising her hands, Cordy huffed, "Spike isn't people."

"Because he's soulless."

"Because he's Spike!"

Hearing Buffy sigh, Angel shook his head. "This isn't going to work."

"My mom likes having him around, and I support anything that makes things easier for her."

"He's dangerous."

She caressed Vinny's cheek. "I know."

Cordelia stammered, "I-I. We-e-"

Angel uncrossed his arms. "Is this about what Lorne said?" His face turned cross. "Or, more like, didn't say?"

Buffy kept her eyes on Vince.

Wesley read into her silence. "You know what's coming, don't you?"

She didn't deny it.

Angel's expression darkened. "Feel like sharing with the rest of us?"

She looked to the ground. "When the time comes, Spike could be useful."

"Buffy."

Cordelia interrupted the glare fest. "I am psychic, remember? One with the visions? If the world is ending, I'm gonna see it."

Angel continued glaring, "If you won't have your future read, then I'll have mine." He stomped off to the basement.

Cordelia chased after him, "You know, Caritas isn't open yet." She looked down the stairs. "The sewers, really?"

The door closed behind her leaving Buffy and Wes in a silent lobby.

"I did some research while you were away."

"More looming doom?" She put Vinny in his bouncy chair.

"His name is Dr. Fields." Wesley handed her a business card. "He's an oncologist who specializes in gliomas, brain tumors."

She straightened.

"You said the CAT scan revealed just a shadow, but if today's biopsy proves it cancerous, I've already told his office to expect the results. The quicker she gets into treatment the better the prognosis."

Stunned, she stared at the card. "How?"

"Lilly received updates from you, and she passed them onto me. I just wanted to know how I could help."

She met his eyes. "I- thank you."

"This is the doctor men like Quintin Travers trust with their lives. A former associate of mine was able to put me into contact."

"I have mom's insurance information upstairs, but even if they won't cover it," She glanced at the card. "I read about him. He's one of the best."

"I can take a look at her policy and find out what documents the company will need to proceed."

"Documents?"

"Test results, pathology reports, etc."

She nodded.

"If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you say anything? Angel thinks you're spending the day with Cynthia."

"I am." She grabbed the car seat from under the counter. "She's going to help me with Vince."

He narrowed his eyes. "You're spending the day at the hospital."

Buffy sighed, "And that's not Angel's territory. Fists and spells he can do, but this . . . . I don't want to look across the waiting room and see someone feeling as helpless as I do. We have so much power, Wes, but this isn't something we can fix."

He watched her place Vincent in the car seat. "Do you want me to drive you?"

"Cynthia doesn't get off work until later, so actually, you coming would be a big help; that is, if you don't mind riding with Spike."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not even going to ask." From behind closed eyes, he heard her laugh float up the stairs.

"Time to go people!"

* * *

><p>"<em>This<em> is Lindsey's new case?!" Lilah Morgan barged into the conference room waving a folder.

After a few words, Mr. Manners hung up the phone. "Do you mind closing the door?"

She nodded and complied.

"Now, Ms. Morgan, how can I help you?"

Rebuked by his tone, she fidgeted. "I don't mean to question you sir, but I thought our goal was to keep McDonald away from Angel."

"Our goal is to deliver results for the senior partners. As head of the project, you couldn't do that."

"Turning an ensouled being into a warrior for the apocalypse is a complicated process - even if the being is a vampire."

"Lilah, Lilah, Lilah," He stood up and walked towards her. "We corrupt souls all the time. It's what we do."

"And I can do it with more time."

"You're a bright girl, but you're not a creator." Leaning against the desk, he folded his hands in front of him. "Placing you in charge of a new project was my mistake. Countless cases could benefit from your detail oriented mind set. You should be closing deals. Leave the start up to others."

"Mr. McDonald isn't the only one with big ideas; he is, however, the only one with a personal conflict."

He folded his arms. "And what conflict are you referring to?"

"His wife and son are intimately connected to the subject. More so, now that they're living with him."

"McDonald doesn't have a wife or a son - not to his knowledge anyway. What he does have is a keen interest in taking on one of our division's most interesting challenges."

She bit the inside of her cheek. "I thought you said corrupting souls was easy."

"You were right; Angel isn't just any soul. Making him into an asset will require the imagination and dedication which only youth can fuel." He walked towards the door. "Who knows? The aforementioned ties might actually aid him. Angel will have to play nice to keep on Ms. Steele's good side." He smiled smugly, "By hiring Angel to protect his family, Lindsey gave him the most beautiful vulnerabilities."

"Sir?"

He put his hand on the door frame. "Our righteous champion coveted another man's wife and now dreams of being father to Lindsey's son." He considered the wood beneath his hand. "Without even realizing, Lindsey's been corrupting him since the beginning." He looked at Lilah. "You'll stay involved of course to protect our investment. We paid a pretty penny to clean his mind; make sure is doesn't get tainted again." He walked out closing the door behind him.

Gritting her teeth, Lilah let her hand crush a page of the file._ I hate this vampire._


	8. Chapter 8: For the Sake of Love

**Chapter 8: For the Sake of Love  
><strong>

Vincent threw down a toy and Spike reached for it.

Warily, Cynthia watched him, "You ate something_ before_ right?"

He looked up from the plush duck. "You think Anastasia would leave her son with a feral vampire."

"Her name is Anne."

"Whatever blondie calls herself, she's not completely daft."

She took the duck from him. "But you are a vampire . . ."

"Let's just say Spike had a trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore."*****

"You didn't answer my question."

"Yes, I had my breakfast, and in this handy thermos, Annabelle packed my lunch and dinner, so quit worrying about me eating people."

"The name is Anne."

"Like I said."

"So it doesn't bother you being in a hospital."

"This isn't the emergency room, pet. They're sick not bleeding. Diseased flesh isn't my cup of blood."

"This is so weird." She watched Vince throw the toy. "I've never hung with a demon before - except Angel of course."

Spike handed the duck back. "I'm nothing like that poofter."

"And you're all British and stuff, cool."

"I take it back. The bird has lost it. She's having me watched by the babysitter."

"I'm supposed to be watching you?" She frowned. "What if you have to go to the bathroom? Do vampires go to the bathroom?"

"Shouldn't you be worrying about Joyce or something?"

She shifted Vin to her other arm. "Why?"

He sputtered, "It's a serious test she's having."

"Sure, but it's just a test. It's not like she's going to croak on the table."

Laughing, Vinny threw the toy back down.

Spike muttered, "And people worry 'bout _my_ influence on lil bit." Instead of handing it back, Spike teased Vin with the duck. "Your mum might have to do a heart spell on you too one of these days."

Giggling, Vinny tried to grab the duck. Against vamp reflexes, he didn't have a chance.

* * *

><p>"I'm glad you're here." Buffy leaned against a wall.<p>

Sipping the hospital coffee, Wesley grimaced. "Like I'd leave you with naught but a psychopath for company."

"Spike's not a psychopath."

"Both he and Vincent are responsibilities you have to monitor. Even Cynthia counts as someone under your care." He stirred the dreadful liquid. "My point is, you needed another grown up here."

"I just left my baby in a room with a demon in a building full of disease; I'm not feeling very grown up right now."

He leaned back against the wall too. "If you thought for one second he was in danger, he'd be elsewhere."

She sipped her coffee without grimacing.

"You're doing the best you can; the truth is we're all - what's the Yankee phrase - 'winging it'?"

She smiled.

"No one has all the answers - not even your mother."

"Are your parents still alive?"

He stared into his coffee. "My father."

"I'm sorry."

"I wish I could say I missed her, but memory fails me. What I miss is the idea of her."

She nodded. "I've been on my own for years, but the idea of not having a mom - I'm not handling it well."

"Has someone informed Mr. Summers?"

"Mom said she told him; she even mentioned the move but . . . " she shrugged, "Don't know what I'd say even if he did show. 'Hey dad, remember the daughter accused of killing people?'"

A passing nurse scowled at them.

"I'm no stranger to paternal disappointment."

Reaching for his hand, she lay her head on his shoulder. "If you're as good a son as you are a friend, he's blessed to have you."

Smiling softly, he squeezed her hand. "Should we get back to your squabbling companions?"

She sighed dramatically, "I suppose."

After pulling her away from the wall, he expected her drop their connection. Instead, she kept her hand in his as they walked side by side.

* * *

><p>"You don't make any sense." Angel sat on end of the stage hanging his head.<p>

"Sorry Angelcakes. Your destiny doesn't have everything hers does and vice versa."

He stood up. "Maybe a different song."

Cordelia banged her head on a table. "This. Will. Never. End."

Lorne sleepily sipped his coffee. "You've sung everything in the song book, and the picture isn't changing."

Angel flipped through the CDs backstage. "We're in each others' lives. If she's in trouble, how could I not be meant to help?"

Lorne started making a cold compress for Cordy. "Here you go buttercup."

Nodding gratefully, she whispered, "Has he gone crazy?"

"No," he sat beside her. "He's just scared."

Angel called out, "You have to have another song book!"

Lorne watched the stage. "I don't blame him. His sunshine's future isn't bright."

"Is she going to die?"

He frowned. "I don't know."

"And I'm really not going to get a vision about this . . ." She looked skeptical.

"Sugar, you see only what the PTB want you to see." He scowled into his coffee. "There's no reason they'd want you to see this."

"Because there's nothing we can do yadda yadda."

"Here's what I can do." Lorne called out, "Sweetie, how 'bout you come out here?"

Angel returned with hands full of discs.

"I can't give you spoilers to Annie-pie's fate, but if you're worried about William the Bloody, bring him by and I'll read his evil status for ya."

He put the CDs down. "I know songs - I remember some." Angel's began singing with an Irish brogue:

_I have often heard it said from my father and my mother  
>That going to a wedding was the making of another<br>Well if this be so, then I'll go on without a bidding  
>Oh it's kind providence won't you send me to a wedding.<br>For it's oh dear me, how will it be  
>If I die an old maid in a garret.<em>

Cordelia pressed the compress more tightly. "I remember him being cool once."

"Our boy is humbling himself for the sake of love." He smiled at the stage. "There's nothing cooler than that."

* * *

><p>Barricaded in thought, Buffy stood before a hospital window.<p>

Her group could see her in the hallway, but no one approached.

Spike sat with his head in his hands while Cynthia rocked Vincent in his carrier.

Hands in pockets, Wesley watched the sleeping child.

The sun shined bright outside and time moved slowly.

The staff went about their day; patients came and went. The hospital hummed with life and Buffy stood still as a statue.

When the sun went down, Spike folded his blanket. Cynthia fed Vinny a bottle when he cried. The table became littered with coffee cups and packets of nicotine gum.

Still, Buffy didn't move. She let the night's lights entrance her.

Out of the corner of her eye, movement caught her eyes. She looked in time to see Wesley pointing the doctor in her direction.

Dr. Azamov approached with a weary expression. She reassured, "Everything went fine; she's being moved into recovery now."

Buffy stayed facing the window. "Do we have the results?"

The doctor sighed, "The shadow is indeed a tumor, a low-grade glioma. It's a oligodendroglioma meaning it's located in the left hemisphere of the cerebrum. In this case, the tumor seems to have started there, so it hasn't spread from another part of the body." Dr. Azamov lowered her voice, "We caught it early. Unfortunately, though, things may progress very quickly."

"As in treatment?"

She clarified, "Symptoms. She may experience anything from loss of vision or appetite to lack of muscle control, mood swings . . ."

"We'll need the results for the doctor."

"She has a physician here?"

Buffy shook her head."Cedars." She frowned trying to remember, "Dr. Fields."

Azamov nodded. "Your mother should wake up in six or seven hours. In the meantime we are working on determining if the tumor's operable. You and your family should get some rest. We'll call you when she's awake." The doctor turned around when Buffy called out.

"Doctor," For the first time, Buffy met her eyes. "Thank you."

Dr. Azamov nodded and walked away leaving Buffy to watch her departure.

Once it was clear their interaction was over, Wesley cautiously approached.

"How is she?"

Buffy frowned at the ground. "We're going to need that doctor."

"Alright, I'll call him straightaway."

She nodded.

"And how are you doing?"

Her face scrunched on the verge of tears. "I've been out of her life for so long, I can't leave her now."

He touched her arm and stepped forward.

She leaned into him for a hug.

"Do you want me to drive Vincent home?"

"Can you take him and Cynthia to _Sanctuary_?" She murmured against his shirt, "Lilly said she'd watch him if this ran late."

He nodded his head over hers.

"Thank you."

Her hair smelled like vanilla. "I can come back."

She stepped out of his embrace. "I think I need to be alone right now."

He glanced at the waiting room. "And him?"

She watched him watch her knowing he could hear. "I can be alone with Spike here."

Wesley squelched the impulse to argue.

Through the hall, they walked back together.

She didn't hold his hand, but he felt close to her heart, and that was new.

* * *

><p><strong>*Line originally used in Buffy Season 4 episode 8 "Pangs"<strong>

**The Song Angel sings is called "Old Maid in a Garret"**

**Lines about Joyce's illness paraphrased from Buffy Season 5 episode 8 "Shadow"**


	9. Chapter 9: Secret of a Warrior

**Chapter 9: Secret of a Warrior**

Angel yelled into his cell. "What do you mean she's not there?" He punched the vampire in front of him with his free hand.

"Don't worry man, Lil and I got Vinny tonight."

The vamp flipped onto one of the alley's dumpste.

Taking a kick to the face, Angel He gritted out, "Where's Anne?"

Gunn looked to Lilly for help. "Uhh. . ."

Angel kicked the dumpster with all his strength. "Gunn!" The vamp rolled onto the ground.

Gunn read off a message, "She's safe and she'll sock you later" the phone rattled, "mmph- talk, she'll talk to you later."

Angel dropped the phone to pick up a wood plank. Charging forward, he impaled his opponent's whole chest. When the vampire turned to dust, Angel fell face forward on the pavement. Wiping himself off, he returned to the phone with a growl. "Put Lilly on."

"Orders are clear and Lilly scares me a lot more than you do."

The back door to the shop opened. "Merve!" Two imposing vampires came out scanning the alley for their third.

"Right." Angel picked up his abandoned axe off the ground. "I'm not scary at all." He hung up the phone as the grimy vamps spotted him.

* * *

><p>"I still go bumpy in the night." Spike watched Buffy try to doze, "so why you being nice to me?"<p>

Eyes stayed closed. "All the feelings you burried, I made them all you'll ever think about. Doesn't sound so nice."

"Most wouldn't have bothered." He looked at his hands. "-wouldn't think I even had feelings."

"Then most don't know you."

Tilting his head, he narrowed his eyes. "And you do?"

She lolled her head so she could look at him. "I know you cared about Drusilla . . . and my mom." She looked to the ceiling, "if rumors are true, even Faith."

He guffawed and harrumphed. "You know, your mate is a sociopath, right?"

"Faith?"

He frowned. "The babysitter."

"Oh." She closed her eyes again.

"Oh?" Eyebrows raised. "You have a mental watching your spawn and you're not concerned. She practically admitted to not caring 'bout Joyce!"

Combing her fingers through her hair, she pushed her hair back. "Cynthia thinks it was a mistake bringing her here."

"Doesn't like hospitals?"

She smiled sadly. "Doesn't trust parents - not when their kid ran away."

His face darkened."Your mum is a fine lady."

She nodded. "Cyn and I left for different reasons." She sat up. "But she's right about one thing: there's a reason I haven't see her till now. Maybe sickness shouldn't change that, but it did." She looked at the closed surgery doors. "Nothing else seems important. . . . not even staking the Big Bad."

He smirked. "Thanks for that luv."

"You've never been a typical vampire." She met his eyes straight on. "For better and worse."

Her eyes told him she wasn't talking about the past. Spike wasn't privy to the knowledge he sensed in her gaze.

One thing was certain: the slayer wasn't a child anymore. Tilting his head, he tried to suss out exactly what she'd grown into, but her gaze shuttered leaving him with nothing.

Bugger all, the woman before him knew how to keep a secret.

* * *

><p>Leaning against the kitchen counter, Gunn watched Lilly feed Vince."Taming a vampire, now lying to Angel - your girl has gone crazy."<p>

"I'd say her life has gone crazy."

"And I thought I was keeping it quiet."

Sunny walked in to grab a soda. "Talkin' bout Anne again?"

Lilly frowned. "Thought you'd be home by now."

"Been listening to the scanners with the boys."

Gunn crossed his arms. "Why?"

He sipped his drink and looked at Lil. "You still doing that party?"

"For the donors, yeah."

Gunn's eyes bugged. "That's in like three days."

"She told me not to cancel it." She wiped Vince's mouth clean. "We need face time with the contacts Linds set up or they forget about us." She shook her head. "We can't put this off."

Gunn looked incredulous. "Anne gonna be there?"

"Wesley too."

Sunny lifted his drink. "I'll stand watch at the hospital."

Standing straight, Gunn looked between them. "Looks like you got it all figured out."

Sunny didn't disagree.

Hearing him feel left out, Lilly reached for him. "Gunn."

"Don't let me hold you back." He dodged her touch. "You guys got big plans in the works."

Sunny nodded. "Find a way to be helpful or find your way out." He dropped his soda in the trash and moseyed out calling back, "Wouldn't want you goin' crazy."

* * *

><p>Buffy sat beside her mom on the hospital bed. "You sure you're up for the move today?"<p>

Joyce held her hand. "I don't have much of a choice."

"We could wait till tomorrow. Your surgery isn't till the day after."

Frowning, Joyce looked distracted. "I don't think I can stay here just waiting."

Sitting away from direct sunlight, Spike called from the corner. "You'll be waiting wherever you are. "

Joyce didn't reply.

Buffy followed her mom's gaze to her hand. Even with slayer healing, her hands still bore the scars from burns she received fighting an army of boiling demons by herself.

"I meant to ask before, but I keep forgetting." Joyce brushes her thumb over the hard, uneven surface of her daughter's hand. "I thought you were safe here."

Spike scowled. "The girl is a warrior; she's never going to be safe."

Ignoring him, Buffy waited till her mom looked up. "Do you remember after dad left and you started working later and later?"

She nodded.

"You were so tired some nights you said you caught yourself falling asleep on the drive home." Putting her scars on display, she covered their hands with her free one. "Well, after my husband left, I wanted a distraction too. We're both lucky to have survived."

"I'm sorry honey."

Spike raised his brows. "That might do for mummy dearest, but how about a real explanation." He glanced at her hands. "Before seeing those, I didn't even think slayers could scar."

Someone knocked on the open door. "Is this a good time?"

Glad for the interruption, Buffy turned to see a pregnant Gemma carrying Vincent. "There's my little guy."

Gemma handed over the carrier. "Cynthia had to work."

Taking in her second trimester belly, Joyce frowned, "You didn't drive yourself did you?"

"Sunny is circling the block now."

Buffy unstrapped Vince and picked him up.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Do you often lose track of the pup?"

Gemma said goodbye and Buffy continued back to her seat. On her way, she stepped on Spike's blanket sliding it into direct sunlight and out of Spike's reach.

"Oi!"

A thick stream of sunlight divided them.

"Guess you don't get baby time."

Spike huffed, "Just sayin' does well knowing who's got lil' bit."

"And I'm just putting you on time out."

Joyce smiled at his pout. "I certainly won't lack for entertainment." Suddenly grimacing, she put a hand to her head.

"Headache?"

"Just a little one." She smiled through the grimace. "A biggish little one." At Buffy's concerned expression, Joyce waved her hand. "I'm fine. Now, come on, let me see my beautiful grandson."

Buffy handed him over.

Spike grumbled, "M' guessing the stranger didn't bring over other necessaries."

"She did, but it'll have to wait."

Following the direction of her nod, Spike saw a small cooler by the doorway . . . on the other side of the stream of sunlight. He could smell the blood inside.

She pulled out a bottle from the baby bag. "Like you said, baby comes first."

* * *

><p>Buffy leaned against the coffee machine staring at her phone. Night was approaching and she really should talk to Angel. He deserved honesty. She's promised it to him.<p>

Still, she didn't dial.

"Annie?"

Coat on his arm, Lindsey approached.

She stayed leaning. "What are you doing here?"

"Just came from my doctor. What are-"

Immediately, she stood straight. "Are you okay? What happened?"

He touched her arm. "I'm fine." Seeing her sigh with relief, he continued, "I took a knock to the head a while back, so I come in from time to time and make sure a few memories were all I lost."

He looked to the baby carrier by her feet. "And who is this little guy? Yours?"

She nodded.

"Don't tell me the the lil' sheriff caught something." When she didn't answer, he looked back at her. "Anne, are _you _alright?"

She shook her head. "I- I had to bring my mom here for surgery. Apparently, this is good-doctor land."

"It is." He assured her, "Whatever she needs, you're in the right place for it."

His earnest voice captivated her. For a moment, things were familiar. Linds had her back, they were a team, she wasn't alone in this and . . . then the feeling broke; their moment ended

He frowned and looked away. "Well, I should be getting home."

"Of course." She stepped aside.

"It was good seeing you again. You and your mother take care."

She leaned back against the machined - phone still in hand. She felt like she was going to be sick.

Vinny started fussing.

"I know buddy." Squatting down, she started distracting Vince with a toy. While he tried to catch the dancing duck, Buffy dialed her cell. "It's me. I'm okay. There's some place I needed to be." She looked down the hall where Lindsey disappeared down. "Maybe you could be here too. Liam, I need a friend." She closed her eyes. "I need _you_." She breathed deep. "I _want_ you."

* * *

><p><strong>Some of Joyce's lines were taken from Buffy Season 5 episode 8 "Shadow." This portion of the series is not far from ending. After the next chapter, some big actions are going to take place and all of the characters' lives will be affected.<br>**


	10. Chapter 10: Adam and Eve

**Chapter 10:** **Adam and Eve**

Sitting in Monica's diner, Lindsey stared at his coffee and focused on the sun's heat through the window.

"I finally found the perfect dress for Saturday." Monica finished her eggs."It's red with this sashy thing that well - you're going to love it. It's nice to know what real money can buy."

Finally, Lindsey he met her eyes. "This isn't the right place for me."

She glanced around. "Well duh, it's a crappy diner. I've told you a million times you don't belong here." She smiled. "Does this mean I get to pick where we brunch next?"

"Monica," he frowned, "I don't think we should date anymore."

Not sure what he meant, she laughed awkwardly, "Because what, now that things are going well at work, you're too good for me?"

"What you said about destiny, you were right; it can't be forced. I just didn't give it enough time."

"You're not making sense."

He focused on her completely as he explained, "The night I met you, I was looking for something." His tone gentled, "This was close, but I was looking for somewhere else."

"You mean someone else."

When he didn't reply, her face reddened. "I can't believe this. You're crazy, you know that? All that talk about fate and soul mates and you're as shallow as the rest of them - chasing down the newest pair of legs." She glared. "No girl is gonna meet your expectations - not if she's human anyway." gave you a chance Lindsey. Get out of my diner."

Having already left money on the table, he grabbed his coat and walked away.

"Lindsey."

He stopped at the door.

"If there was a God, he wouldn't destine you for happiness."

He looked at her somberly. "I know." Head down, he walked out.

* * *

><p>Lilah walked up to him adjusting his bow tie. "You shouldn't be going."<p>

He glanced at her formal attire. "No, _you_ shouldn't be going. It's my case now remember?"

"And what does attending a charity benefit have to do with that?" Looping her arm through his, she walked them to the entrance. "Or is the key to turning Angel evil, you stalking his girl until he kills you?" Smiling, she squeezed his arm. "Because that is something I'd pay to see.

He squeezed back. "Whatever it takes to get the job done."

Smiling at the greeters, they made their way inside the beautiful ballroom.

He made note of the other guests. "A lot of heavy hitters are at this event. That in itself was a reason to check it out."

She watched him scan the room. "Looking for someone?"

He dropped her hand to head into the crowd.

With a frown, she took a glass of champagne from a passing tray. She drank deeply.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the hospital chair, Buffy stared at her hands.<p>

"Thinking about the benefit?" Angel sat beside her.

"I should be there." Her tone sounded far away. "It's a big night."

He nudged her leg with a cup.

"I've had too much coffee already."

"It's not coffee." He nudged again until she took the styrofoam cup.

Bringing it to her lips, she picked up the scent. "This is the kind Giles used to drink."

He looked into his own cup. "Still does."

She savored the scent nodding, "He was a good grown up: always knowing the right thing to say or do."

"I'm sure _he _doesn't feel that way."

Sunny walked in with Vinny and Spike. "Your boy's all changed."

Spike grumbled, "Vamp nose never lies."

They took their seats on the other side of Joyce's bed.

Buffy reached for Vince. "You check in with Lilly?"

Sunny handed him over, "And why would I do that?" Before she could answer, he continued, "If she needed something, she'd call me. She hasn't, so she doesn't."

"Thanks for waiting with me." She glanced at her mom again. "She won't wake for a while they said, but I couldn't be anywhere else." The longer she stared at her mom's bandaged head, the deeper she frowned.

"Love," Spike leaned in. "If you're likin' to worry about fixable things, how 'bout sparing thought for a cooped up vampire. Spot of violence could do you good too." Seeing her start to shake her head, he continued. "I'd even go for a patrol with the poof at this point."

She wavered.

Angel knew Spike wouldn't relent, so he rested his hand on her knee. "We won't go far." He removed his hand and stood.

Looking up at him, she whispered, "thank you."

He bent down and kissed her forehead. "We won't be gone long." He caressed Vinny's head before straightening. He glanced at Spike. "Let's see if we can't get you dead by sunrise."

Nearly bouncing off his seat, Spike followed him out, "Bring it nancy boy."

Buffy held Vinny closer.

Sunny tilted his head. "I can get an update from Lilly, if it helps."

She shook her head. "You were right. I trust she's got it handled."

* * *

><p>"This is a disaster!" Lilly scream whispered to Wesley.<p>

"Give me a moment. I'm sure there's a way it could be worse." He watched Lindsey walk through the crowd. "At least none of the kids who knew him are here tonight."

She turned her back on room. "Only because Anne thinks using kids as servers is exploitation." She folded her arms. "Seriously, _this_ is bad. _Him_ showing up tonight of all nights!"

"It's perfect timing from his perspective." Seeing her gape, Wesley turned her around. "Try not to think of him as Anne's stalker ex. Think of him as one of the many wealthy individuals who showed up to give money to your cause."

"I'm going to check on the food." Huffing she walked off.

Wesley looked at the slideshow shining on one of the walls. Pictures of_ Sanctuary's_ residents were interspersed with pictures of the facility and staff. The current slide showed Anne surrounded by muddy teens holding a football. The photo was older, taken before he met her. He idly wonder if Lindsey had been there that day-if he'd taken the photo or maybe was cropped out. As the slide changed, Wesley marveled at Anne's strength to have rummaged through her memories to put this together.

Marching forward, Wesley returned to mingling with the guests. He shook hands and smiled widely determined to represent Anne and the shelter well. To his relief, in the large-guest-filled room, he soon lost sight of Mr. McDonald. He was genuinely surprised when the lawyer appeared before him.

With a smile, Lindsey shook his hand. "It's good to see you again."

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Wesley's frown relented. "Ah, the karaoke bar."

Lilah approached them. "Wesley Wyndam-Pryce." Seeing both men's frowns, she smiled. "The firm knows Angel, the firm knows who works for Angel." She turned to Lindsey. "What we don't know is why we're wasting our time."

Lindsey put his hand on the small of her back. She could feel a blade pressing there. He leaned in affectionately dragging the metal edge against her flesh. "Why don't you get us some drinks, hmm?"

She nodded and stepped away.

Lindsey put returned his hand to his pocket. "She's a firecracker."

"Why are you here Lindsey?"

"So you do know who I am."

"You're a part of an organization which stands against everything my boss tries to protect."

"I don't know how she did it." Lindsey scanned the room. "A young woman without influence and here she filled the room with LA's upper crust - all human too which is no small feat." He looked at Wesley. "Oh, I know she's not here. With her mom's surgery today, I wouldn't expect her to be." He smiled at the room. "It's good to see what she's capable of."

"Anne has nothing to do with your firm."

"Can't help but wonder: Angel has saved at least a hundred damsels - some of them even pregnant; what's so special about this one?"

Wesley stared blankly.

"She's not a nobody that's for sure." He looked up at the slideshow. "She has the power to weaken a major player for the end times. That makes Anne and her son extraordinary."

Lilah returned with his scotch.

He raised his glass. "Look after our girl, Mr. Pryce." He walked through the room with Lilah at his side.

"You ripped my dress."

"Could have been your tongue."

"From being in charge of this project, I've gone to being in charge of you." Having picked his pocket, she dropped the razor in his drink. "If you're not on task, then I'm not on task."

Lindsey swirled the fatal concoction. "I've read your notes." He placed the glass on a passing tray. "You've considered everything from resurrecting Darla to old demon hunters."

"One demon hunter."

"Any one of those spells requires considerable resources, and none of them are guarantees." He raised a hand. "Don't get me wrong, they're diabolically brilliant, but Holland favors conservative investments. I pitched him a plan that needs only time, and he decided to save the money."

"Immortal beings can out-wait you."

"I'm lucky, then, that he's in love with a human."

She raised an incredulous brow. "You'd kill Anne Steele?"

"Even worse, I'm going to give her and Angel their happily ever after." He held out his arm and led Lilah outside. "He won't betray the Powers the Be because he hates us. He'll do it because he wants her." Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, he looked at the dark sky. "We let them build a life together and then offer him the chance to make it permanent."

"How does that get us what we want?"

"The story of Job is about one man withstanding Satan's harassment. The story of Adam and Eve, though, is about falling to temptation." He casually placed his hands in his pockets. "Satan separated two pure souls from grace with a simple suggestion." He looked into her eyes. "I may not be the original snake, but his soul doesn't have far to fall."

She stared at him. "And hers?"

"Whether he shares the apple is up to him." He frowned at the sky. "Whether she takes it, that's up to her."


	11. Chapter 11: Six Months Later

**Chapter 11: Six Months Later**

**Six Months Later**

Buffy punched through a gray spiky demon's nose, but she didn't have the luxury to see him fall. Two more demons reached her line of sight forcing her to duck to avoid their projectiles. Glancing at the fallen objects, she couldn't decide if they were knives or darts. Either way she knew better than to touch them. Any weapon that came out of a demon's own flesh was probably poisoned.

She dived behind a dumpster and instead, she picked up littered beer bottles. Breaking them against the metal, she jumped out the other side of the dumpster and threw them at the demons' heads. She hit them between the eyes taking them both down quickly. Seeing no more demons immediately after her, Buffy ran to a pile of cardboard. She rummaged until she found it: the car seat.

"Hi sweetie." The cut on her brow dripped blood on his blanket. "That's my good boy being so quiet for mommy." Through labored breathing, she still managed a smile. She picked up the seat and continued running down the alley. She kept looking behind her and prayed none of her enemies had superior night vision. She honestly didn't know how long she could keep this up.

* * *

><p>Angel cleaned his weapons mindlessly. His attention kept fleeing to his last conversation with Buffy.<p>

_**One Month Ago:**_

_Standing beside her, he looked down at her packed bag. "Going to Lilly's again?" _

_She nodded curtly._

_"You've been spending the night a lot there."_

_She added Vincent's duck toy to the bag._

_"Are you leaving me?"_

_He didn't think she'd answer, but after a moment, she sighed, "My mom wanted me safe." She glanced at Vinny. "She worried about us here. I'm starting to realize she was right. Everyone was right." Looking at a spot in front of Angel, she whispered, "I just didn't want it to be true."_

_"Buffy."_

_She met his eyes. "I know you want us." She searched his soul through his eyes and her eyes misted."You want redemption more." He didn't dispute the truth. Nodding, she straightened her shoulders. "That's not my fight, and we both know you probably can't win it without dying first."_

_"I would never let anything happen to you."_

_Looking down, she took his hand. "I have to do what's right for my family. You told me that." She let his hand go and turned away._

The end of an ax put splinters in his hand. Hissing, he threw the offending weapon across the room.

Wesley turned the page in his book."Give her time."

"I've given her time and space and I just. . ." Angel stared at the axe in the wall.

"She's grieving."

He surveyed the array of shiny weapons he'd spent all day working on. "I miss them."

Wesley looked up from his research. "She still hasn't reached out?"

As he dislodged the axe, Angel felt Wes watching him.

Wes observed, "Before the surgery, she'd been braced for her mother's death. When it went well and we all thought she was out of the woods . . ." He closed the book in front of him. "I wonder if it's better to lose someone early but be able to say goodbye than have time with them but no closure."

Angel returned to his tools and began sanding the axe's handle smooth. "Thankfully, we don't have to make that choice."

Wesley nodded and pulled another book from the pile.

* * *

><p>Buffy stood anxiously by the pay phone. "Yes, I stole Gunn's truck. It's crashed, it's gone! Look I don't have time-" She tried to steady her breathing. "Lilly, listen! I need wheels <em>now<em>."

Vincent started to cry.

"I have to keep moving. Have Sunny meet me at Caritas." Out of frustration, she dented the phone booth with a palm strike. "If he doesn't know where that is, then get Gunn."

Movement in her peripheral vision sent her heart racing. "Just do what I said." Picking up the car seat, she dropped the phone and continued on.

It dangled by its cord as several figures followed her trail.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Two Months Ago<strong>_

_Wearing his earnest expression, Spike asked, "You sure you don't want me to stay?"_

_Her tone warmed and softened. "You belong somewhere else. . . with someone else."_

_"Shirty bint does right fine without me."_

_Faith sauntered down the stairs. "Duh."_

_"It means a lot that you came for the funeral, but I'm betting there's some evil that needs you to stop it."_

_Faith smirked. "Always." She joined them at the door. "Not sure this one would be much help though." Her eyes turned serious. "I'm thinkin' you should keep him."_

_Quirking a brow, Spike shrugged, "Don't everyone ditch me at once now."_

_Buffy looked at Faith with somber eyes. "I made you a promise: that if you need me, I'll be there - no matter what." Her mouth tightened. " I can't break that promise but I don't know if I can it keep either." She caressed Faith's hair. "I'm hoping with Spike there, you'll never need me." With her hand on Faith's hair, she looked at Spike. In a whisper, she plead, "So don't make a liar of me, alright?"_

_He nodded once watching her carefully._

_Faith shook away eye-misting emotions. "Okay, where's the little lady's man? no way am I leaving without pinching those cheeks one last time."_

_Buffy smiled. "He's with Cordy in the kitchen."_

_Faith looked at Spike, but he shook his head. "Already had my goodbye with the tot."_

_She shrugged and hurried off to the kitchen. _

_When Faith was out of ear shot, Spike considered Buffy. "You're not long for this world, are you slayer?" Her silence made him glare. "Your mum's not buried a week and you're gettin' ready to die fighting."_

_She met his critical gaze evenly."If I need help, I've got a whole team here."_

_Her expression shuttered again, and he straightened. "Keep your bloody secrets then." He walked away huffing, "It'll serve you right if they end up killing you."_

_Instead of watching him leave, she looked to the ground and nodded to herself._

* * *

><p>Lilly yelled into the hallway, "Sunny!"<p>

From the radio table, Bernie held up two fingers and Dan added two more colored pins to an already colorful map. "She's got a ways to go on foot."

As soon as Dan scribbled something down, Cynthia took it from him. "Too far if they keep coming at this rate." She added it to her pile of notes and continued reading the computer screen displaying demon descriptions.

Sunny ran into the room. "What ya need?"

"Get Gunn and head to Lorne's bar. Anne needs her jeep." He nodded and sprinted out.

Covering a phone with her hand, Gemma hollered, "We know how to kill the orange ones yet?"

Cyn shook her head. "I'm still working on the spiky ones."

As Gemma apologized over the phone, Raquel whispered back at Lilly. "Where are they all coming from?"

Still holding the phone, Lilly stood guard in the doorway biting her nails. "We don't know yet."

Sunny ran into Gunn at the front door. "You're here. Good. Let's go."

"We know where Anne is?" He followed him down the stairs.

"She's headed to the demon bar."

The answer surprised him so much he bumped into a woman.

"Hey Gunn, Anne in there? Angel is still totally moped-out and-" She watched Sunny run passed her. "What's with the serious?"

"Cordelia, I don't have time-"

Sunny reached the jeep. "I'm gone man."

"Wait!" In spite of Cordy grabbing his arm, Gunn pushed forward. "You don't know where you're going."

"I have an idea." Sunny got in her jeep and started it.

"Sunny!"

"What's going on?"

"Sunny!" His cries were useless; Sunny was already pulling out.

"Gunn, talk to me." Cordy shook his arm. Should I call Angel?"

Seeing her reach for her phone, Gunn batted her hand down. "No!" He tried to calm himself. "No. If you want to help, that's not the way - not this time."

"I'm really going to need a reason." When he didn't answer right away, she marched up the steps calling out, "Anne!"

Gunn sighed and followed her back inside.

Lilly spotted them from her post in the office doorway. "What are you still doing here? Anne needs a car like yesterday."

"So she can crash another one?"

Cordelia's eyes widened. "We should so be calling Angel."

Lilly ignored her. "Gunn-" Something inside the office grabbed her attention and she abandoned them.

Gunn stopped Cordelia before she could follow her. "Your boss is being watched by Wolfram and Hart. You call him and whatever chance we have of fixing this is gone."

She begged pitifully. "What is 'this'?"

His expression turned grim. "Best we can figure, someone put a bounty on Anne and Vince." Cordy's gasp gave him time to continue. "Maybe it was the lawyers, maybe not. If it wasn't, they could make things a lot worse." He glanced at the office. "And tonight, that's a hell of a thing to imagine."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Three Months Ago<strong>_

_"Charles Gunn."_

_Coming out of _Sanctuary_, Gunn turned around and found a man standing on the other side of the stoop."That sign saying 'everyone's welcome' is a lie. Lawyers got enough rocks to hide under."_

_Lindsey fell into step beside him. "As long as you're outside, I don't need to go inside."_

_"I got nothing to do with you."_

_"I'm assigned to Angel's case and he knows Ms. Steele."_

_"I don't have a lot." Gunn jerked to face him. "Including patience. Get to your point. Fast."_

_Lindsey smiled. "I'm going to give you an envelope, and you're going to give it to Anne."_

_No sooner had Gunn guffawed than he found himself back-against a wall with Lindsey's forearm at his throat._

_"Charles, I'm off the clock, and you're the only AI associate Wolfram and Hart isn't keeping tabs on, so I get to be impatient too." He released some of the pressure. "Now, you're going to deliver this envelope for the persuasive reason that if you don't, I will." He reapplied pressure. "And there's little my employers won't do to prevent that." He backed off some. "She needs this information to be safe." He took an envelope out of his jacket pocket and put it inside Gunn's. "And she can't get it safely without you." He patted the pocket, "So don't be an idiot." He stepped away._

_Gunn tried to hide his cough. "What do you care if a civilian is safe or not?"_

_Looking back at _Sanctuary_, Lindsey announced, "I'm leaving, and I don't want the destruction of a mother and child to be the last thing I contributed to LA." He met Gunn's eyes again. "I've got enough sins to carry as it is." He walked back to his car. "Don't forget about that envelope."_


	12. Chapter 12: Alleyway

**Chapter 12: Alleyway**

Slowing before a turn, Angel stomped on the brakes swinging his car around before speeding down another street.

Wesley held tightly to the weapons bag. "Good to know it's not just us; Cordelia doesn't listen to anybody."

Angel grunted acknowledgement. "She's one of the few people not on tonight's kill list."

Recognizing the street, Wesley unzipped the bag and prepared for battle, but instead of finding demons, they found smoke.

Squinting at the scene, Wesley whispered, "Anne."

Her jeep sat in front of a burning Caritas. They saw two figures stumbling out. Throwing the car into park, Angel jumped out and sprinted towards them.

Lorne had Sunny had their arms slung across each other's necks and couldn't stop coughing. All they could do was motion to the club.

Wesley helped them out on to the street while Angel ran inside.

"Buffy! BUFFY!" He kept shouting louder but he could barely hear himself over the fire's white noise. The heat was oppressive and he couldn't see passed black clouds of smoke.

He tripped over a body. Bending down, he realized it was an injured demon - and not the friendly kind. Angel took a knife to the leg before rushing on. He kept stumbling and bumping into bodies and they kept on not being Buffy.

The ceiling started dropping flaming debris, but Angel pushed forward. He refused to leave hell empty handed. He noticed something different against the wall - something about the sounds and the heat. Remembering the back door there, he jumped over a burning table and charged outside. He still couldn't see well, but he could hear fight sounds: grunts, smacks, and shouts. He joined the fight hoping to God none of the bodies he punched were Buffy's.

Smoke filled the alley but not as densely as inside. Gradually his vision cleared. Red-eyed and desperate, he stumbled towards a smaller figure. The figure didn't make any sounds and he couldn't smell anything other than smoke, but he had to hope.

Throat hoarse from smoke and shouts, he tried call out, "Buffy!" His voice didn't carry far.

The small figure continued kicking a body on the floor. It wasn't moving, but the figure kept kicking anyway.

Unable to confirm from any distance, he let himself stumble into the figure. Reaching out, he leant his weight on the figure and grasped at whatever he could.

Small shoulders, soft hair, little coughs, and no violent action against him."Buffy." He sagged with relief.

Neither his presence nor weight stopped her assault on the demon. No doubt it had tried to kill her, but it was dead now. He leaned more of his weight on her in an effort to push her away. His weight did force her back but she wasn't prepared for it. She tripped to the side and fell into an unmoving heap on the ground.

Following her down, he landed on his knees croaking, "Where's Vin? Buffy, Vin!?" He shook her. "Buffy? Where's Vinny?" He pulled her up by her shoulders but her eyes didn't move. He looked right into her pupils, but she didn't see him. "Buffy! Don't do this."

A figure appeared out of the smoke and knelt down. Warily, Wesley took in the scene. Angel's voice, barely more than a whisper, was impeded further by the tears trailing down his smoke-stained face. Wes didn't need to hear his words to understand them.

Wes reached out to feel her pulse. Nodding grimly, he pulled her up and stood. Angel came up with them taking most of her weight onto himself. A siren sounded in the distance, but they couldn't stay. Her arms hung stiff around their shoulders and her head remained upright. Her feet dragged between them, and as Angel continued limping forward, he focused on her heartbeat. She couldn't be a stiff corpse if air and blood flowed inside. She couldn't be.

They made their way out of the alley in silence.

* * *

><p>Sitting down across from her, Angel took a break from his efforts to get her to drink. He could get her mouth open easy enough, but she wouldn't swallow. He couldn't bring himself to force her.<p>

All he could do was watch her sit in his office and stare at nothing.

"Where is she?"

Leaning in the corner, Lorne whispered, "I don't know."

Softly, he mused, "This is what you wouldn't tell me." His fingers brushed her hair away from her face. "The thing that couldn't be stopped: it was losing Vinny."

Lorne couldn't tell if Angel was talking to Buffy or to him, so he didn't reply. He didn't need to confirm what Angel already felt in his soul.

Sounds outside the door told him the others had arrived. Lilly came in first followed by Sunny Wesley, Cordelia and Myrtle.

Lilly hesitated in the doorway. "How is she?"

Angel's tone remained hard in spite of her tears. "Lorne thinks there's a spell that can get someone in her mind, so they can pull her out of it."

She nodded. "Myrtle already has the supplies. She's going to help me do it."

Angel stood slowly. "Good." He walked passed her into the lobby.

In a quiet voice, Wesley put forth, "Buffy's catatonia is serious, but this spell could be dangerous for both of them."

With surprising softness, Cordy asked, "Could she come out of this on her own?"

"When I was in the bar," Sunny's whole body stiffened, "I saw his car seat. It was knocked over, so I couldn't see if he was in it." His nostrils flared. "Maybe he didn't die in there; maybe he just. . ."

Myrtle watched Lilly watch Anne. "The chance of becoming lost in another's consciousness is high - especially one as powerful as your friend's."

Lilly's voice wavered, "I want to do this."

Hearing no objection, everyone tried to find a way to be useful.

In the bustle, Lorne stepped out of the office and headed outside.

"Don't go too far." Angel voice stopped him. "She'll need to sing for you; then you can tell us exactly what happened tonight." He scowled darkly. "She should never have to say the words."

Without turning around, Lorne nodded and walked out the door.

* * *

><p>Darkness. Hollow darkness. Lilly expected to be overwhelmed, but so far Anne's consciousness seemed empty.<p>

The longer she walked the less worried she was of bumping into anything. There wasn't anything here to bump into.

A faint yellow light shone a ways ahead. It was cut off as if its source lay behind a corner. Lilly followed it to a desk lamp next to an older man in tweed.

"In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness."

Lilly approached the woman seated before him.

"Anne?"

"She is the Slayer." He frowned. "There's so much you don't know about them, about your own powers."

The pair didn't seem to notice Lilly.

The man's face softened, "You acted wrongly, I admit that. But believe me, that was hardly the, the worst mistake you'll ever make."

"What are we-"

Without looking at her, Buffy whispered, "Shhh."

With her voice came a smoke and force which pushed Lilly back. She stumbled down hallways, passed classrooms , lockers, through double doors and into the night.. Through the smoke and windows, she saw flickers of flame. Stepping backwards, she realized the entire school was on fire.

The heat alone kept her at bay.

From outside the trance, Myrtle watched her frown. Together they sat across from Ann in the office. Already holding Lilly's hand, Myrtle squeezed it gently. "Patience. Let her lead you in."

Still staring at the burning high school, Lilly heard Myrtle's voice as well as something else. The sound of flames faded and the something else increased. Her feet felt wet. Looking down, Lilly saw sand littering the lawn and a wave lapping at her feet. To her right lay an ocean and turning further she saw a beach. Night sky covered the school, but the beach enjoyed soft light from a fading sunset.

Not far ahead, a small family played in the sand. Lilly walked closer and made out their forms. Baby Vinny sat in front of Anne and Angel; Lindsey sat on her other side molding sand for his son. They were chuckling and talking softly. She'd never seen any of them smile so easily. From this distance, the waves sounded louder than their voices.

She stepped closer and Anne stilled. Another step and she looked up. Their eyes met, but the others remained oblivious.

Anne's expression turned hateful. She spoke in a low voice, but Lilly heard the words clearly. "You don't belong here."

The force of them literally blew her back. She felt herself flying and Myrtle's eyes widened as Lilly and her chair were pushed across the office and into the door.

Myrtle came to her side murmuring, "You're seeing things you were never meant to see."

Lilly thought she should have hit the ground by now, but her fall just kept going and going. "BUFFY!"

She screamed and everything went white. Out of the whiteness, a face: Joyce.

Anne's mother smiled. "Buffy didn't tell me you were coming." She stood aside and let her in.

Crossing the threshold, Lilly found herself in a bedroom. Anne and a boy were lying on a bed braiding hair of a girl sitting on the floor.

The boy stared at the television. "Is she dying?"

Anne squinted, "I think she's singing."

"To a telephone in Hindi. Now that's entertainment!"

Stepping forward, Lilly spoke cautiously. "Why is she singing?"

The red head kept her eyes on the television. "She's sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole... fish thing." She sipped her juice box.

"Uh-huh." The boy nodded. "Why is she singing?"

Anne frowned. "Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor."

"Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal."

Lilly sat on the edge of the bed next to Anne relieved when nothing pushed her away. No one spoke again, though, so she wasn't invisible. When the TV muted itself, the message was clear. She could stay but she couldn't join.

She took a deep breath. "Anne, I need to know." She whispered, "Is Vincent dead?"

Anne continued braiding hair silently.

Lilly lay a tentative hand on her back. "Is that why you're here?"

Looking at the floor, she answered flatly, "I couldn't protect him."

Lilly tried to hold back her tears, but her lip trembled. "We have to go home."

Joyce leaned against the doorway smiling sadly. "She is home honey." She glanced at the trio. "No demons or vampires to slay, she's here with her friends . . ."

As the TV unmuted, the others went back to ignoring her.

"Hmm," The boy sighed, "And we thought just because we didn't have any money or anyplace to go this would be a lackluster evening."

Perking up, the girl's head moved a little. "I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water."

The boy replied, "Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail."

Lilly couldn't help her smile.

Looking back at her, Anne smiled too and murmured, "I'm good here." A moment passed before she turned back to the TV. Her head tilted, " So, how does the water buffalo fit in again?

Joyce looked at Lilly. "Your family is probably expecting you soon."

"They're expecting both of us. They need her there." She started to cry. "_I_ need her." Lilly sobbed to Anne's back, "I'm sorry your mom died and Vincent . . . But you can't stay in th-this coma!" She refused to wipe her tears. "You have to come back to us."

Anne's back stiffened.

Lilly added pitifully, "You have to."

From all directions, smoke started seeping into the room.

"Anne, no! Stop it." The room filled with the black, suffocating clouds. She yelled through a cough, "Stop this!"

Everything went black.

It felt like waking when Lilly opened her eyes again. She barely resisted closing them against light -the gold, shimmery light that came from everywhere.

"It's not meant as a punishment." Before her, stood an old woman with hair to the floor. Her smile deepened her wrinkled. "It is the greatest honor we can bestow."

Lilly followed her gaze and found Anne holding Vincent.

Looking up at the old woman, Anne whispered, "I don't want it."

"Would you rather he die in the grip of darkness?" Speaking gently, the woman touched her cheek. "Under your care, he will not live passed babyhood. The choice is yours, but child, you must choose now." Her hands fell to her side.

"She's wrong Anne." Lilly pushed forward but couldn't move. "Don't! You can't give up."

Anne looked into her baby's eyes and even through tears, managed to smile back at him.

"It is time you return." The old woman murmured, "Do you return alone?"

Anne buried her face in Vincent and gripped his tightly. Lilly could hear her keening.

Before she could see what happened next, the golden light brightened blinding her. The air itself felt warm and bright.

"Does it ever get easy?"

She heard Anne but couldn't see her.

A voice replied, "You mean life?"

The whole space darkened save for the desk lamp.

"Yeah. Does it get easy?"

In the room where she started, Lilly's eyes adjusted to see Anne seat in front of the man in tweed.

"What do you want me to say?"

Buffy looked up at him with glistening eyes. "Lie to me."

The older man considered her a moment. "Yes, it's terribly simple." He sighed, "The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, we always defeat them and save the day." His voice softened, "No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."

Anne stared into his eyes as smoke started filling the room.

"Anne."

Lilly's throat itched and her eye's watered, but no force pushed her away. She stepped towards Anne. "We have to go - the smoke." She started coughing.

"He's gone Lilly." Anne looked at her through the thickening smoke. "There's nothing left to lose."

The smoke made it hard to see her. "No." Lilly reached out blindly until she felt Anne's wrist. "I could lose _you_ and you could still lose me." She heard the roar of flames somewhere around them. "We have to go!"

Lilly pulled with all her strength practically dragging her out of her seat. She ran for the door, and pulled Anne down the hall. But as they ran, the hall and lockers became an alley with demons. The fire consumed the building beside them and Lilly had to move quickly to outrun the smoke. Dodging demons and embers, Lilly kept a tight grip on the girl behind her. "Anne! -Buffy! Get us out of here!"

Her vision clouded and the floor seemed to disappear from under her. They were falling, floating, rising. Her head ached with pain but still held tightly to Anne.

Suddenly, she was sitting and her vision returned. She was sitting across from Anne in Angel's office.

Feeling her hand gripping her wrist, Lilly focused on Anne's face now crumpled in tears. Lilly sighed with relief; Anne was back; she came back with her.

Myrtle lay a hand on Anne's head and stood. Before walking out, she murmured to Lilly, "She's back dear."

* * *

><p><strong>Lines from Lilly's trip inside Buffy's mind were taken from Buffy season 1 episode 1 "Welcome to the Hellmouth," season 2 episode 2 "When She was Bad," season 2 episode 5 "Reptile Boy, " and season 2 episode 7 "Lie to Me."<strong>


	13. Chapter 13: Nothing Left to Do

**Chapter 13: Nothing Left to Do**

Lilly stayed by Anne's side while Sunny watched from a distance.

They'd moved her to the lobby couch and got her to drink some water.

Completely hoarse, she still tried to sing, "Twinkle twinkle little star."

Crouched in front of her, Lorne put his hand on her knee. "That's plenty, lemon cakes - enough to confirm what I already knew."

No one needed to threaten or beg him to explain. Lorne stood and faced the group. "The Powers that Be decided to take custody of Vincent. Right now he's in a dimension much like most folks' picture heaven." Letting them soak in that information, he breathed deep. "They're responsible for Anne's recent demons troubles."

Wesley frowned, "A persuasive tactic?"

"No doubt they'd offered to take sweet dumpling off her hands before, but she declined . . . " Looking at Anne, his voice lowered, "because the threat wasn't immediate."

Angel nodded his understanding.

Cordelia blurted, "But they're the good guys! They can't do that."

"I'm afraid the Powers can do a lot of things you and I might take issue with."

Wesley frowned, "And they're the highest authority, so there's really no way to appeal it."

Cordelia burst, "So they can just take babies?"

"They didn't take him," Anne croaked. "I gave him up."

Her words silenced the room until the time Myrtle packed her supplies. "I've done all I can here."

Keeping her head down, Anne nodded at Lilly who wiped her tears and stood up. "I'll take you home."

Sunny took the bag from Myrtles shoulder. "I'll drive you guys."

Watching them prepare to leave, Lorne turned to the others. "As of tonight, my home's uninhabitable so I'm going to need a couch to crash on."

"Of course, the fire." Wesley nodded. "I'm sure there's a place for you here."

Cordelia took tentative steps to the couch. "Buffy?" When she didn't reply, Cordelia glanced to the group and back. "Maybe you want to take a shower and get some rest?" She continued, "I mean there's nothing else you can-" Buffy stood with a curt nod and headed up the stairs.

Angel held back several moments before following her.

Cordelia started to follow too. "I can help with that. Angel, you don't have to-"

He wasn't listening or else he chose not to stop.

Cordelia slowed with a huff huffed. "Rude much." She looked to Wesley but he didn't reply. He just kept staring at the staircase with a frown.

* * *

><p>When Angel walked into the bathroom, he heard the shower running. Her pain, like water's steam, thickened the air, making it hard to see.<p>

Evenso, he found her easily. With closed eyes, Buffy sat on the shower's floor fully dressed.

He stood still and for that endless moment, he let their grief go unshared. He'd never intruded on raw pain like this.

But demands of privacy could not rule now. Whatever the cost, he knew he could not stay separate

Opening the shower door, he stepped inside and crouched down. The water soaked his clothes and soon he was as drenched as she was.

Buffy didn't open her eyes, so he didn't focus on them. Lifting her foot, he searched for her boot's zipper and removed one shoe and sock, then the others dropping each outside the shower.

Placing one hand on her neck, he tried not to meet her now weary, open gaze. He placed his other hand on her collar bone and pulled her forward to remove her jacket. Keeping her close, he dropped it by the shoes and nudged her head to her chest. He placed his hands on her sides and pulled them both up. He leaned her against the wall and started on her pants.

The snap and zipper proved easy enough, but the fabric clung to her like a second skin. He had to kneel down to inch the wet fabric from her thighs to her knees and then, taking panties too, from her knees to her ankles. Like a whispered thank you, Buffy caressed his hair before stepping out of them. Her pants joined the other clothing with a splat. As he stood, he felt her tugging at his shirt.

He pulled it over his head and noticed her doing the same. Two more splats then they were both bare-chested.

Without a moment's hesitation, she leaned into him. He raised his arms tentatively and held her for what felt like a lifetime.

Eventually, she pulled back and looked at him. Touching his cheek, she rubbed soot off with her thumb. He felt her small fingers grace his forehead, his ear, his chin. He placed both hands on her hair as her other hand joined the first caressing his nose, his temples, his eyelids.

Slowly, he turned them so hot water touched her neck and back.

He dragged his hands down through her hair tilting her head into the spray. Her eyes closed as water streamed over her, and his hands joined it wiping away dirt and blood like she'd done for him.

Her eyes stayed closed as his fingers moved through her hair slowly massaging scalp, neck, shoulders. When his hands settled on her back, she leaned her forward out of the spray and breathed deep.

His hands caressed upwards and downwards again and again until finally he reached for the dial and turned it stopping the water. He hadn't closed the shower door so all he had to do was reach over and around to grab a towel. Bringing it back, he took her hand and stepped onto the flooded bathroom floor. He pulled her to the middle of the room and stepped behind her to cover her hair with the big red towel.

She stayed quiet and still as he rubbed her long dripping locks. He caressed her hair through the towel for a long time, until her locks were merely damp and frizzy.

He moved to dry the rest of her but she surprised him by turning into him. Pushing away the towel, she touched a hand to his cheek and kissed him gently at first. Her other hand moved to his belt which still held up the soaked trousers.

He let her unfasten it before whispering against her lips, "Buffy."

She finally met his eyes straight on and assured him, "This isn't about happiness."

After a second of hesitation, he let himself grasp her lightly.

She reached up. When she kissed him again, she didn't hold back and neither did he. His pants made the final splat on the ground and then they were stumbling to the bedroom. With each kiss, he held her tighter and tighter until his grip became bruising. She grabbed at his skin and scratched just as desperately.

Falling against the bed, they both groaned. Each sensation felt so intensely even the pleasurable ones crossed the line into pain.

She was right: this joining had nothing to do with happiness. Even surrounded by her heat, his soul had never been safer.

* * *

><p>When she opened her eyes, Buffy thought the room seemed different. His curtains kept out direct light, but apparently, hints of dawn could still find a way in. To her, the brighter surroundings looked wrong.<p>

Angel's arm lay heavy around her middle. She resented its weight as much as she did the rising sun.

Carefully, she inched towards the edge of the beg. She hadn't escaped the oppressive limb before she felt it stiffen around her.

She tried to pull away but his arm just squeezed tighter. "Angel."

"No." He sounded awake and alert but also hoarse.

She pried at his arm and it firmly entrenched. Keeping her body tense, she breathed deeply. "You don't get to decide where I go."

He turned his voice to steel. "I get to know where you're going and what you're doing until you can promise me-" his forearm quivered from tension, "that you won't hurt yourself."

She stilled. "You don't get to decide that either."

"_I _am guilty." His arm shook her. "I'm genuinely guilty of every sin you can think of and plenty more you can't. And when that guilt became too much . . . I found a hill and waited for sunrise to take it away. And when the person I loved the most," his arm shook her again, "who I'd have given everything in me to see again, appeared beside me."

He pressed his forehead to her shoulder and stayed still a moment."I begged you to let me end it." He lay his cheek against her skin. "You and that snow wouldn't." Hurting her ribs, his arm tightened further. "Now I'm not letting you."

She stared at the covered windows and replied flatly, "You can't stop me."

He placed a hard kiss on her shoulder. "I will make it as hard as I possibly can. You try something with the sun shining down and I'll be right there." He felt her nails dig into his arm. "Make no mistake Buffy, if you want to die, you're going to have to kill us both."

She took in a shaky breath and relaxed her hand.

Feeling her push back, he loosened his hold so she could lean towards him.

She whispered, "I miss him so much and it hasn't even been a day." She faced the ceiling. "Angel, how am I supposed to go the rest of my life not seeing him, not h-holding h-" her own tears cut her off.

Curling his body around hers, he let himself cry over Vinny too.

She turned into him and held tight as she wept.

He didn't say anything.

With aching awareness, he knew he couldn't lessen her suffering; he could only suffer with her.

So with caressing hands and watery eyes that's what he did: he suffered.

He doubted either of them would ever stop.


	14. Chapter 14: Inescapable Destiny

**Chapter 14: Inescapable Destiny**

While Angel scrambled eggs, Buffy sat at the table staring into nothing. Both wore one of his shirts and a pair of his sweats. They let cooking sounds fill the air between them.

Angel assembled two plates with eggs and a peeled orange. He carried those as well as two mugs to the table.

He carefully put a fork in her hand before sitting down himself. Angel took a bite of eggs and sip from his mug.

She held her fork with a slight frown. "You don't eat eggs." She sounded dazed.

"Regular food won't keep me alive, but it can't hurt me either." Seeing her frown deepen, he tapped his mug. "I have the potent stuff right here." He looked at hers with a faint smirk. "Yours is a traditional breakfast beverage, don't worry."

She moved the fork around her plate working up the energy to eat. A shuffling noise brought her head up.

"Just me buttercup." Lorne headed for the coffee. "From what I heard this morning, I'm the only visitor this place will be getting for a while."

Her look turned puzzled.

With mug in hand, he gestured towards Angel. "This one called everyone there is to call and handled it without resorting to a single threat." He raised his glass, "My compliments."

She picked at an orange slice. "When?"

Angel kept his eyes on her plate. "While you were sleeping."

Settling back in her seat, she took a slow bite of eggs.

Angel looked at Lorne and nodded to the stove where he'd left eggs for him.

Buffy murmured, "I destroyed your place."

Lorne turned towards her without replying.

Angel grumbled, "A pack of demons did that."

Her blank eyes stayed on Lorne. "You didn't even cross my mind. Your bar had an anti-violence violence spell on it and I needed more time."

Sighing, Lorne sat down with his eggs. "Makes sense."

"It didn't take them two minutes to smoke me out. I risked everything you care about for nothing."

"We both lost something last night," Lorne stared at the table. "But, sweetie, I can replace mine."

Her mouth tightened. "I left you to burn." It sounded like a threat.

He met her eyes and considered her a moment. "Last night I was saved by a human I'd never met before. He went in to save a friend but stopped to help me instead."

Buffy's empty eyes filled with confusion

"I've been needed and used plenty in my life, but Sunnyboy's selfless save: that was new."

She frowned at her mug.

Lorne tucked into his breakfast. "If you're looking for someone to blame you, you're in for a hard road." He took another sip of coffee. "But since you did lead demons to my place, here's my revenge." He put down his fork. "When I read your aura last night, I picked up your question; the answer is yes. I'm pretty sure this building has roof access." Seeing her eyes grow wide, he picked up his fork again and took a bite. "Lemon tart envisions one, simple, final fall." He turned to Angel. "so watch her around heights."

Angel's eyes stayed fixed on Buffy. "Good to know."

* * *

><p>"If she's not dead yet, then we have to help her."<p>

Wes looked down at the flyer. "I'm not arguing that point; I merely suggested the 'we' doesn't include Angel."

Shaking the library book, Cordy huffed, "There's a demon on the loose from another dimension. Boss-man may be able to take a break from caring but," she pointed to her head, "vision girl can't."

Wesley sighed, "He just lost the closest thing to a son he will ever have."

"The Powers that Be took Vinny so our saving the world wouldn't kill him. It's sad and hard, but it's not a reason to let," taking the flyer, she tilted it from side to side, "geeky librarians fend for themselves."

"He made it clear he doesn't want to be contacted-"

"Wesley."

"So," He held up his hand discouraging interruption, "I propose we get do as much as we on our own and go to him when we have a better idea what's going on and exactly what he should do about it."

Cordy rolled her eyes. "Because us working solo goes so well."

Nodding, he thought a moment. "Gunn?"

"Fine, I'll call the mini-champ." She pulled out her cell phone, "But don't forget, my visions aren't meant for just anybody." She dialed the number mumbling, "Like a randomly ringing payphone for hobos to pick up."

* * *

><p>"She's what?"Angel growled.<p>

Wesley spoke slowly, "When we opened the portal to send back one of the dimension's inhabitants, Cordelia was taken there too."

Lorne glared at the book Wes held. "There being Pylea if we go by the writing."

Angel scowled, "And you can't open up another portal because the magical hot spot is out of batteries."

Nodding, Wes explained, "We have two tasks before us: first, we need to find another dimensional hotspot, and second: we must contrive a means of traveling through the portal without being separated."

Gunn added, "The guy we sent her back with probably landed someplace else, so she really is alone."

Angel punched a wall.

"Angelcakes, to make up for the fact that I will definitely _not_ being making this trip with you, I have a tinsy lead on finding your hotspot. Back in a jiff."

Wesley headed to the office table of books. "I'll get working on our separation problem."

Angel closed his eyes.

Cautiously, Gunn looked to Anne sitting on the bottom steps. "Hey." He saw her nod in his direction. "I hoped we wouldn't have to drag him into this."

She rested her ahead against the pillar. "That's not really how these things work."

He stood there feeling awkward for a moment. "Yo English, need help?" He walked to office leaving Anne and Angel alone.

With eyes still closed, Angel swore in a low voice, "I promise this is the last time."

She lolled her head to look at him. "This is your life Angel. You can't escape destiny." She stared at the ceiling. "I think I proved that."

"No." He growled, "I'm done with The Powers. This is about Cordelia."

She met his eyes. "I know."

Her not arguing made him argue more, "The only source of redemption I care about is you."

She frowned. "Angel, I'm not . . ."

"That night with Vincent, I let you both down. Now he's gone." His eyes sparkled. "Someday, you're going to trust me again."

"_I _chose to leave your home and not come back." She pressed back into the pillar. "You had it right the first time, I shouldn't have risked Vin's life staying in LA - not even for the people I care about." She took in a shaky breath. "They were right to take him."

His expression looked pained. "Buffy."

"Go make your plans." She stood slowly. "I'll have Gunn take me to Lilly's so you can save the damsel without worrying about . . . anything." She stopped in front of him. "Take care of yourself, alright?"

Her distant tone made his desperate. "This isn't the end."

Neither knew know who he was trying to convince.

She reached up and placed a hand on his cheek. "Just because I'm not a part of your fight doesn't mean I'm not proud of you." Caressing his face, she whispered, "You're amazing Angel."

"You too."

Her smile didn't reach her eyes. "This isn't goodbye, remember?"

He nodded.

She kissed him gently. He grasped for her clumsily.

Pulling her tighter against him, he deepened their kiss.

Her small hands clutched him close before releasing him entirely.

Air replaced her lips on his and Angel forced his arms to loosen. The desire to curl into her turned his breath shaky.

She caressed his face again before stepping away.

He stayed as still as possible trying to hold this moment.

He didn't move until the smell of her dissipated into nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>Lines about the portal and Pylea taken from Angel season 2 episode 19 and 20 "Belonging" and "Over the Rainbow."<strong>


	15. Chapter 15: Left Behind

**Chapter 15: Left Behind**

Lilly, Sunny, and Anne sat on the patio outside Lilly's apartment. All the lights inside were off. Only LA's city lights illuminated their tea mugs.

Lilly stared at the ground. "I can't believe Gunn went with them."

Sunny nodded.

"We need him here." She murmured, "I need him."

Sunny frowned at the skyline. "His friend was in trouble. I think he could use the feeling of rescuing someone."

After a beat, Anne finished his thought, "because he couldn't rescue Vin."

Lilly felt tears coming. She tried to blink them away but when that didn't work she excused herself inside.

Anne squeezed her mug tighter. "At least she doesn't skip dimensions to avoid me."

Sunny stared at her. "Anne, what are you doing here? in LA?"

"Where would I go?"

She asked it rhetorically, but he answered, "Anywhere . . . hopefully away from hellbeasts."

"Sunny."

"If you still wanted to die you'd have gone with them to save Corduroy."

"Cordelia," she corrected.

"Each of them is going to get a chance to go out a hero."

She hung her head. "I wasn't up for the trip. . . not now."

He nodded. "You've reached your limit. It's time for something new."

"I don't believe in fresh starts." She looked up with a wistful half-smile. "Clean slates always get dirty."

He put his mug on ground and leaned forward. "You. Can't. Stay." His tone didn't leave room for argument."If you give any more of yourself to this place, there isn't going to be a you left."

Her eyes watered. "I think I've already lost that." She turned at sound of steps.

Lilly leaned against the railing. "No matter what happens you'll always be you . . . remember?"

She'd said those words herself once; she'd said them to a scared kid who'd suffered more than any kid should - than any person should.

Anne broke eye contact. "I remember."

"I think you should do it." Lilly put her hands in her pocket. "I can handle everything here. You won't be letting anyone down by leaving."

"Making a new life takes energy." Anne put her mug down. "Energy that I don't have."

Sunny stood up. "You're not going it alone." He looked down at her. "All I'm asking is you come for the ride."

Buffy looked up at her two best friends and recognized the sadness in their eyes. They wanted to save her but weren't sure if she'd let them . . . honestly, neither was she.

* * *

><p>Buffy gripped the doorknob and slowly twisted. Taking a deep breath, she released it as the door opened. By the wall, Vinny's crib lay underneath a mobile of stars. Stepping closer she recognized his duck toy stuffed in a corner. She picked it up gingerly and took in every aspect of the room. On the walls hung pictures of Vinny and her mom, of her and Lilly, finger paintings with her son's handprints and footprints. . . such tiny toes.<p>

And then, there was _the drawing_. After she gave birth to Vincent, Angel brought her to his home, showed her this room, and put a frame in her hands. He'd sketched a family portrait with Vincent in the middle held by Buffy and surrounded by Lindsey, Lilly, Angel, Sunny, Gunn ,Wesley, and Cordelia. Her fingers traced their faces and lingered on Lindsey's. Angel had drawn Vinny's father huddled over Buffy with his hand on their son's head.

Looking at his protective posture and loving eyes, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

She brought her hand back and turned around. After one last look around, she walked out taking only the toy as a keepsake.

As she closed her bedroom door, she looked over at the door to Angel's room. She imagined entering and hesitated before stepping closer. She caressed the face of the closed door. Laying her forehead against the wood, she breathed, "Angel." Her face scrunched, but she didn't cry.

She squeezed the toy in her hand and pulled herself away. On shaky legs, she walked down the hall, down the stairs, and across the lobby.

Pausing at the front desk, she left a folded piece of paper before taking her final glances around the hotel.

With toy in hand, she walked out the front door closing it behind her with a soft click.

* * *

><p>"Stop saying that!" Angel shouted. "She didn't need to say where she's headed for you to have an idea. You just won't tell me."<p>

Gunn stepped between Lilly and Angel. "Hey! Back off."

"You're right. Even if I did know where she's gone, I wouldn't tell_ you_!"

Lorne stepped towards the counter and the note lying on top. He murmured the words aloud:

"FATHER, I scarcely dare to pray,  
>So clear I see, now it is done,<br>That I have wasted half my day,  
>And left my work but just begun;"<p>

Behind him, the fighting continued.

"Will you keep it down?" Cordy yelled down the stairs. "You're scaring Fred! Wesley is working really hard to convince her she's not in another demon dimension."

Lorne lifted the wrinkled paper.

"So clear I see that things I thought  
>Were right or harmless were a sin;<br>So clear I see that I have sought,  
>Unconscious, selfish aims to win;"<p>

Lilly hissed. "She deserves this Angel."

"What is 'this,' a chance to get killed?"

"If that's what she wanted, she'd have stayed in California."

"Ha! So you do know where she is!"

Lorne spoke louder,

"So clear I see that I have hurt  
>The souls I might have helped to save;<br>That I have slothful been, inert,  
>Deaf to the calls thy leaders gave."<p>

As the others quieted, he turned towards them.

"In outskirts of thy kingdoms vast,  
>Father, the humblest spot give me;<br>Set me the lowliest task thou hast;  
>Let me repentant work for thee!"<p>

Gunn frowned, "I never figured her for the poetry type."

Lilly stared at the worn paper. "Lindsey left it to her."

Gunn put his arm around her waist. "What's it mean that she left it for us?"

She took a deep breath. "It means she's not coming back."

Angel mumbled, "Outskirts of the kingdom . . ."

"Angel, she doesn't want to be found."

Lorne set the paper aside carefully. "Lillybud might be right on this one."

Slowly, Angel shook his head. "We've lost so much, we shouldn't lose each other too."

Lilly covered Gunn's hand on her waist with hers. "This is what she wants."

The room eased into quiet as each of them worked through their own concerns.

Finally, Angel met their eyes, "Where is the humblest spot for Buffy?"

* * *

><p>The wind blew litter down the cracked street.<p>

"Anne," Sunny growled, "what is this?"

Under a grey sky, she frowned. "I-I don't know."

"You want a new start in the middle of nowhere, that's fine, but this ain't that. This is somethin' else."

They stood on a crumbling sidewalk staring at a rundown diner.

Her eyes glazed. "It's fate."

"Anne." His tone stayed demanding. "Talk to me."

"I didn't know he'd be here." A tear slipped out. "I didn't know."

He wrapped an arm around her and squeezed. "Well, he is." He stepped forward pulling her along. He listened to her shaky breaths. "They both are."

They watched the pair through the window as they approached. Standing at the counter, Lindsey held Vinny at his hip and laughed with an elderly waitress.

* * *

><p>Angel stood in his office listening to his answering machine. Buffy's recorded voice echoed into the lobby.<p>

"I don't want anyone worrying about me. I'm fine, really. I wish I could say more. There are so many things I want to tell you, but this is the way it has to be. Maybe in time we'll learn to forgive ourselves. Until then, know that I love you . . . always."

He held her wrinkled note in his hand. His fist crushed it slowly but tightly before dropping it on the floor. He walked into the lobby and collected books from underneath the desk.

Lorne stood in a robe holding coffee. "Please tell me we're not crossing dimensions again. My pores haven't recovered from the last time."

Cordelia relaxed on the couch. "I miss being queen."

"I think Fred is finally settling in." Wesley walked down the stairs. The markers have helped."

Cordelia stared at the ceiling, "she still writing on the walls?"

"Indeed."

Gunn hopped off the county. "Maybe now is a good time to lure her out with tacos."

Wesley frowned at the sound of ripping pages. "Angel? Is everything alright?"

Seeing Angel take pages and books back to his office, Wesley followed, "is there something we should know about?"

He stood over his desk. "New research project," he said absently.

"Anything I can help with?" Wesley approached warily.

"Yeah." Angel met his eyes. "Tell the others Angel Investigations is closed until further notice."

Wesley glanced at the others then back to him. "Everyone understands you need a break after . . . everything."

"No time for a break." Angel opened a drawer and pulled out a binder. "I have work to do." He scrawled on post-its. He stuck them in a vertical line on the desk and flipped through another aged text. "I won't get distracted again."

Scanning the papers, Wesley recognized a pattern and theme. Understanding his boss's intention, Wesley's eyes widened.

The End

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><p><strong>I'm tempted to give hints about what's up ahead, but I don't want to ruin the ride. The series has one portion left. In order, the series goes:<strong>

_**I Have Loved You Wrong**_

_**How Much You Really Want**_

_**Your Heart Still In It?**_

_**Lift Up Your Arms Now**_

**The last portion isn't complete, but I have posted the first chapter of it, so if you want to be updated about future posting, alert the story _Lift Up Your Arms Now_ instead of this one.**

**The Poem used in this chapter is "A Last Prayer" by Helen Hunt Jackson**


	16. Your Heart Still in It?

**As per tradition, here is the Swell Season song this section of the series got its name from. **

* * *

><p><strong>Paper cup <strong>

**by Swell Season**

Paper cup  
>Ain't got no worries<br>Got no dog in this fight Paper plane  
>Take this note straight to her if her heart's still in the fight<p>

Maybe time will decide  
>This restless spirit can't survive on breadcrumb trails no more<p>

Paper saint  
>Will you hear her when she calls<br>You got no dog in this fight Paper bird  
>Take this offering from her hands<br>This simple trail back to the light

Maybe time will provide  
>Give you the strength to decide<br>I hope it's not too late

Maybe time will decide  
>This restless spirit can't survive on breadcrumb trails no more<p>

Maybe time will provide  
>Give you the strength to decide<br>You know it's not too late

Paper cup  
>Ain't got no worries<br>Got no dog in this fight


	17. Part 4 Chapter 1: Never Have to Fade

**Preview for Part 4: Lift up Your Arms Now**

**Chapter 1: ****Never Have to Fade**

_Angel clutched the passenger door. "I don't think this was such a great idea."_

_Buffy looked away from the road. "Do you trust me?"_

_"With my life," he gulped, "- not my car."_

_"Are you saying this car is more valuable than you?"_

_"Much."_

_"Calm down." She weaved passed another car on the freeway. "I know how to drive."_

_"No, you don't." His knuckles paled. "which is why you're supposedly having me to teach you."_

_"I thought I was here to help you kill time before your meet with Gunn."_

_"Let's hope that's the only thing you kill today."_

_Cars honked as she changed lanes without signaling. "We both were getting tired of the beach-stroll, swinging-bench routine."_

_Feeling his stomach roll, he shrugged. "I'm trying to wean myself off the brooding."_

_"This environment is certainly not conducive to brood face."_

_"Slow down."_

_"You like going fast - it's why you bought a convertible: so you could _feel _the speed."_

_"Were you always this big of pain in the - Buffy look out!"_

_She pulled the emergency brakes and swung around so the car faced the other direction._

_The highway was completely empty._

_He looked over to find her watching him. "You're never going to stop loving me." Her toneless voice said it like a fact._

_He huffed, "God knows why."_

_She smirked. "I do too."_

_"And why's that?"_

_"Because I-"_

Angel woke up with a start to the sound of screaming. He sat up off the couch and categorized the sounds as non-emergency. It signaled merely an escalation of teenage bickering. Wiping his eyes, he stood up and stretched looking around the office mindlessly.

His eyes caught on a photo. It sat framed on one of the bookcase shelves. He scanned the surrounding books and knickknacks unable to tell which blonde had gathered them.

Stepping closer, he focused on the group photo. It looked older and the familiar faces looked happy.

"It hurts to see sometimes," Lilly said from the doorway. "But I can't bring myself to put it away."

He didn't turn around. "Must be special; it's the only photo here."

"For a lot of them, it's the only photo we have."

He reached out and touched the glass. "Her wedding?"

"The reception." Lilly came to stand beside him. "We had it in the backyard, the ceremony too."

Buffy's knee length dress and Lindsey's lack of tie told him it had been a casual event.

"Who are the men?"

Lilly squinted at the faces. "Lindsey's brothers, the mechanic and the minister. One was the best man and the other married them." She smiled slightly. "Anne and Linds looked forward to moving closer, raising families together. "

"She didn't keep in touch." It wasn't a question.

Lilly scowled, "You think his bosses leave loose ends like that?

"No." Surveying the photo, he pointed to another face. "Is that Gunn's sister?"

"Alanna." Lilly nodded at the happy girl and boy in the photo. "She was a bridesmaid; Sunny was a groomsman. That's the happiest I ever saw them." The pair wore big goofy grins. "It really was a perfect day. Just what a wedding should be, you know? Everyone you love coming together." She wiped her face to keep from crying. "It's just me and Gunn now."

Stepping back, his tone turned defensive, "He asked me to meet him here."

She nodded emotionally. "There's something a few blocks away. He's just driving Hannah back from her community service."

"We'll take care of it."

She turned back to the door.

"Lilly," He met her eyes. "At least you and Gunn have each other."

"You lose enough people and you stop thinking in forevers." She fiddled with her necklace. " Gunn and I get that whatever we're doing has an expiration date."

"That's the dark side of immortality: you can't enjoy anything without predicting its destruction."

She looked passed him to the picture of smiling faces. "That was such a good day. I like to think that somewhere it's still happening." Her face scrunched and twitched in an effort to hold back tears. "At least in the picture, the smiles never have to fade."

They both stared at the photo a moment longer.

Shaking her head, she took in a calming breath. "Let me know if you need anything."

She left him alone with a piece of Buffy's past. He didn't know whether to feel grateful or hurt. Buffy had never smiled at him the way she smiled in the photo, and wherever she was, she'd lost any reason to smile.

One of the reasons he loved her, though, was because no matter how much she lost, she still found things to hold on to. Wherever she was, he hoped she'd found a reason to smile again.

* * *

><p>By the time he returned to home, morning had started lightening the sky. Opening the hotel's front door, Angel walked under an engraved sign:<p>

**_Sanctuary Shelter_**

**_No One Belongs, but Everyone's Welcome._**

Walking further into the lobby, he heard quiet laughter from the kitchen. Most of the kids were asleep but there were some early birds in the bunch. Angel passed Wesley and Fred by the front desk. From her blush, he assumed flirting was going on. Angel picked up the sign in sheet.

Wesley straightened, "Everything go alright with Gunn?"

"Easy job." The kids' names were written next to the time the time they came in last night.

Seeing him, Fred startled, "Angel, I didn't see there. Did you use the sewers again? Because I didn't hear a peep of entering noise."

"Used the front doors Fred."

She blushed again. "Right, because you like that now -normal ways and all." She watched him frown. "Indeedy, Dan came in late again."

He nodded. It didn't surprise him. Dan had been pushing the limits a lot lately. Wesley took the duffel bag of weapons from him. "I'll lock these up."

As Wes walked away, Fred jumped, "Oh! and you have a visitor. Your fighting friend? Wesley doesn't like her but said it was alright that I let her wait in the yard." Fred followed him across the lobby. "At first, I was scared by the stake in her pocket, but I figured the kids couldn't see her there and she really wanted to see you - but not in a 'I-want-to-stake-you' kind of way-"

"Fred," Angel turned to face her and she nearly bumped into him. "It's alright. I understand why Wesley wouldn't want to see her, but I do." He pushed her glasses back up her nose. "I'm glad you let her in." When she nodded, he stepped back. "When Dan wakes up, let him know I want to see him in my office. We'll talk about his chores list and privileges."

She smiled, nodded and walked back to the front desk. Angel turned and headed out to the backyard. Sure enough, small and brunette, his old friend stood with her back to the door.

"Faith?"

Even in all her leathers, the girl managed to move silently. "Sorry big buy, but really good guess." She turned.

"Buffy."

She smiled with such joy. "Angel." She approached him and he stepped forward too. Immediately, she reached up for a tight hug.

Leaning down, he wrapped his arms around her firmly. Breathing her in, he couldn't believe he ever mistook her scent. He pushed his face into her hair where neck met shoulder. Her hand caressed his head and he pressed firm kiss to the crook of her neck.

"I'm glad you're glad to see me." She breathed him in too. "I thought you might be mad at me."

He held all of her warmth more tightly to him. "I'm furious with you. That's the cruelest thing you've ever done."

Closing her eyes, she savored his touch. "I missed you too - so much."

Without releasing her, he stepped back. "Are you okay? Are you here for help with something?"

She shook her head with glassy eyes. "No. I'm good. I had something to take care of in LA, but I couldn't leave without seeing you."

Nodding, he ran her hair through his fingers. "How long were you here?"

"Only a day or so. Faith called me." She lay her hands on his chest. "Spike's chip wasn't working right and she worried it might kill him."

He frowned in confusion. "So she called you."

"Giles and Willow are in England doing watcher things and apparently, Xander hasn't hopped on the Spike wagon." She sighed. "Faith panicked. I told her I'd meet them in LA and called the doctor who operated on my mom. Back then, Wesley said he was so good even the council used him, so I pretended to be Faith's watcher and convinced him to remove Spike's chip." While she talked, Buffy kept staring at different parts of his face as if committing them to memory.

"That still doesn't explain why you look like Faith."

She tensed and stood back. She looked up at the hotel. "I didn't expect this." Voice floated to them from inside. "You took in my kids."

His eyes wouldn't look away from her. "They're important to you."

Her eyes found his. "You're important to me too. I hope you know that."

"You're leaving again."

She nodded, "Now."

The word pierced his chest making everything in him tighten. Even his vision dimmed from the pain. "But you just. . ."

"Like you said, I have responsibilities I can't ignore." She smiled sadly. "You were right."

"Buffy."

Sunlight started to fill the garden. If she took a few steps back she'd be covered in it. She'd go where he couldn't follow.

"I know it was selfish to come here, but it would have been more selfish to stay away. You took such good care of me, you deserve to see me doing well." She held his hand. "And I am. I am doing really well."

He scanned her clear, focused green eyes. "I see that."

She squeezed his hand. "I didn't want you worrying about me." Her eyes looked soft and loving. "When you think of me, remember me like this, okay?"

"I won't forget the leather pants."

She chuckled breathlessly. "Good. That's good."

He chuckled too.

They smiled at each other with a world of love their eyes.

She looked back at the hotel. Through the glass doors, she saw kids getting ready for school. "No one could love me better." She squeezed his hand again. "You deserved more." Her eyes glistened. "I'm sorry I can't give it to you."

The way she said that made him think she was just as sorry for herself as she was for him. She wanted to stay.

"Buffy-" Before he could say more, he felt her pull him down for a kiss.

His whole mind became overwhelmed by the soft hand on his cheek, her body heat warming him, and gentle lips caressing his like silk.

It wasn't until air replaced her body in front of him that he registered she'd said something: a whispered, "Goodbye."

With the same slayer speed she'd used to kiss him, She walked into the sunlight and disappeared around the corner . . . without even a glance back.

* * *

><p><strong>My apologies but it might be a little while before I make progress on this. I've just started a new job and it requires a lot of my focus. <strong>

**In the meantime, I'd love to hear what you think so far - of the story, of the series. Did things happen you didn't want to happen? Did things happen you didn't expect? What did you hate? What did you love?**

**Reading your reviews inspires me to do better and keep raising the standard on what "better" is.**


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